Get Your Marriage On! with Dan Purcell

This is Part 2 of a special two-part series exploring the difference between having sex and making love. If you haven't listened to Episode 300 yet, go start there—it lays the foundation for everything we talk about in this episode. In this episode, we move from understanding the difference… to learning how to actually create more meaningful, connected intimacy in your marriage. You'll hear from: Dr. Alexandra StockwellTrevor HansenAli Bullock We talk about: outside This episode is about learning how to bring more heart, presence, and connection into your relationship—one small moment at a time. More about our guests: Dr. Alexandra Stockwell is an intimate marriage expert and the host of The Intimate Marriage Podcast and the author of Uncompromising Intimacy. Trevor Hanson's mission is to help people with an anxious attachment style become secure. You can find him on Instagram and his website. Aly Bullock is a licensed marriage and family therapist and communication coach and has reached millions with her widely-followed Instagram account. Resources and Events: We invite you to explore our Get Your Marriage On coaching program. Get ready for our men's and women's groups starting up again in May! Disclaimer: The opinions and values expressed by guests on the Get Your Marriage On! podcast are their own and do not necessarily reflect the opinions and values of the host. Appearance on the podcast does not imply an endorsement of the guest or their products by Get Your Marriage On or its host. While we work hard to bring you quality and valuable content, listeners are encouraged to use their own best judgment in applying the information or products discussed on this podcast.

This episode is a special one—episode 300. That feels really meaningful to me. I'm grateful you listen, share the podcast, and care enough about your marriage to keep showing up for these conversations. I really do celebrate you and your commitment to building a strong, intimate, passionate marriage. For this milestone episode, I wanted to do something a little different. So I turned it into a personal research project around a question I've been pondering for a long time: 👉 What's the difference between having sex… and making love? In this episode (Part 1), I reached out to trusted experts and mentors to hear their perspective—and what they shared genuinely changed how I think about intimacy in marriage. You'll hear from: Dr. Jennifer Finlayson-FifeDr. Chelom LeavittAdam & Karissa King This isn't just about sex. It's about: Don't miss Part 2 (Episode 301), where we continue this conversation with three more voices and perspectives. More about our guests: Dr. Jennifer Finlayson-Fife is the author of a book, That We Might Have Joy, she offers amazing online courses, and has an exciting in-person events coming up this summer. Dr. Chelom Leavitt is a world-renowned sex researcher and has many helpful resources on her website about mindfulness in sexuality, relationships, teaching kids about sex, and more. Adam and Karissa King, better known online by the brand Dear Young Married Couple, teach courses, host a podcast, and provide many resources, especially for newly married couples. They are also in the process of releasing a new book. Resources and Events: We invite you to explore our Get Your Marriage On coaching program. Get ready for our men's and women's groups starting up again in May! Disclaimer: The opinions and values expressed by guests on the Get Your Marriage On! podcast are their own and do not necessarily reflect the opinions and values of the host. Appearance on the podcast does not imply an endorsement of the guest or their products by Get Your Marriage On or its host. While we work hard to bring you quality and valuable content, listeners are encouraged to use their own best judgment in applying the information or products discussed on this podcast.

In this episode, I respond to a vulnerable question from a wife navigating desire differences, purity culture, and a husband who seems to always want more—more novelty, more frequency, more intensity. If you've ever felt like: You're not "enough" sexually Your spouse is never satisfied Sex has become a source of pressure instead of connection …this episode is for you. We'll talk about: The three core drivers of sexual desire Why anxiety can increase desire in one spouse and decrease it in the other The "try-sexual" dynamic How ego can quietly sabotage intimacy What true sexual maturity actually looks like This isn't about doing more, but becoming more mature, grounded, connected and intentional. Resources Episode 101: Overcoming Roadblocks to Intimacy & Sexual Desire (mentioned in the episode) 👉 Join our exclusive Men's Only and Women's Only groups starting in May! They are limited to 10 people each, so check them out before they're gone. 👉 We're cruising in the fall, and we currently have ONE spot left. Make it yours!

What if low libido, fatigue, brain fog, mood changes, or sexual dysfunction aren't just "part of getting older"? In this episode, Dan talks with family nurse practitioner Shelly Wilkinson about hormones, libido, insulin resistance, and the role whole-body health can play in sexual wellness. Shelly shares her personal story, what led her into hormone education, and why she believes many men and women are missing an important piece of the puzzle when it comes to energy, desire, and long-term health. They talk about common signs of hormone imbalance, what questions to ask when seeking help, why libido issues are often more complex than we think, and how physical health and relational health can work together to improve intimacy. If you're in midlife and noticing changes in energy, mood, desire, or sexual function, this conversation (and the one just previous to this epsiode in this mini series) will help you navigate the next steps. In this episode, you'll hear: Why low libido may not be only a relationship issue Common symptoms that can point to hormone concerns The connection between hormones, energy, and sexual health Questions to ask before working with a hormone provider Why both spouses may need to look at their health, not just one How physical wellness can support emotional and sexual intimacy Check out more about Shelly and her clinic here: http://wasatchmedicalspa.com Resources and Events: We invite you to explore our Get Your Marriage On coaching program. Get ready for our men's and women's groups starting up again in May! We have one more spot available on our cruise! We'd love to have you join us! Disclaimer: The opinions and values expressed by guests on the Get Your Marriage On! podcast are their own and do not necessarily reflect the opinions and values of the host. Appearance on the podcast does not imply an endorsement of the guest or their products by Get Your Marriage On or its host. While we work hard to bring you quality and valuable content, listeners are encouraged to use their own best judgment in applying the information or products discussed on this podcast.

Low libido, erectile dysfunction, hormone imbalance, and sexual frustration in marriage are often treated like isolated problems. But what if they're actually connected to something much bigger? In this episode of the Get Your Marriage On! Podcast, Dan sits down with Dr. Jerry Dugger to talk about the link between physical health and sexual health. They discuss testosterone, estrogen, cortisol, thyroid, gut health, inflammation, sleep, stress, and why the body has to be understood as a whole system. You'll also hear practical insights on how better health habits can improve desire, energy, confidence, and connection in marriage. Resources and Events: We invite you to explore our Get Your Marriage On coaching program. Get ready for our men's and women's groups starting up again in May! We have one more spot available on our cruise! We'd love to have you join us! Disclaimer: The opinions and values expressed by guests on the Get Your Marriage On! podcast are their own and do not necessarily reflect the opinions and values of the host. Appearance on the podcast does not imply an endorsement of the guest or their products by Get Your Marriage On or its host. While we work hard to bring you quality and valuable content, listeners are encouraged to use their own best judgment in applying the information or products discussed on this podcast.

What does your nervous system have to do with your sex life? More than you might think. In this episode, Dan sits down with nervous system specialist Morgan Starr-Riestis, who explains why feeling safe in your body is one of the most important ingredients for great intimacy. Many couples assume sexual problems are about technique, desire differences, or communication. But often the real issue is something deeper: our nervous systems are stuck in fight, flight, or shutdown. Morgan shares how our bodies are wired for safety, how dysregulation can show up in the bedroom, and why learning to regulate yourself can dramatically change your intimate connection. You'll learn: • Why safety is the foundation of pleasurable sex • The difference between actual safety vs perceived safety • How shame, pressure, and expectations dysregulate the body • Simple daily practices that help regulate your nervous system • Why trying too hard to orgasm can sometimes make it harder • How to identify the underlying need behind recurring relationship patterns Morgan also shares practical exercises couples can try right away to build safety and connection in everyday moments. If sex sometimes feels stressful, pressured, or emotionally loaded, this episode will help you understand what your body is trying to tell you—and how to work with it instead of against it. You can find Morgan on all socials with the handle @mind.psy.guidance Resources and Events: We invite you to explore our Get Your Marriage On coaching program. For a limited time, you can try it free for 30 days and get access to coaching sessions and our full course library. We also have an opening due to a cancellation at our upcoming couples retreat, and one more spot available on our cruise! We'd love to have you join us! Disclaimer: The opinions and values expressed by guests on the Get Your Marriage On! podcast are their own and do not necessarily reflect the opinions and values of the host. Appearance on the podcast does not imply an endorsement of the guest or their products by Get Your Marriage On or its host. While we work hard to bring you quality and valuable content, listeners are encouraged to use their own best judgment in applying the information or products discussed on this podcast.

Marriages rarely fall apart because of one big moment—they erode through small daily disconnections. In this episode, Dan sits down with author Lindsay Maestes to talk about how couples can rebuild connection, overcome sexual shame, and create a stronger marriage through intentional daily habits. They discuss faith and sexuality, emotional labor, foreplay outside the bedroom, and why openness and vulnerability are essential for great intimacy. Plus, Lindsay shares a fun "black belt" sex tip to help couples add novelty and excitement to their relationship. Resources and Events: We invite you to explore our Get Your Marriage On coaching program. For a limited time, you can try it free for 30 days and get access to coaching sessions and our full course library. We also have an opening due to a cancellation at our upcoming couples retreat, and one more spot available on our cruise! We'd love to have you join us! Disclaimer: The opinions and values expressed by guests on the Get Your Marriage On! podcast are their own and do not necessarily reflect the opinions and values of the host. Appearance on the podcast does not imply an endorsement of the guest or their products by Get Your Marriage On or its host. While we work hard to bring you quality and valuable content, listeners are encouraged to use their own best judgment in applying the information or products discussed on this podcast.

In this episode, I sit down with my friend Jacqlin — published author and romance reader — to talk about something I've wanted to explore for a long time: how writing intimate stories can deepen connection in marriage. We talk about: Why erotic writing can feel more vulnerable than sex The difference between sharing your body and sharing your private thoughts How to overcome fear of rejection Practical scaffolding and ideas for writing your first spicy story Boundaries, motivation, and what NOT to do Why your "why" matters more than the spice level Jacqlin even shares a sample story at the end of the episode (with a content warning), so you can hear how tenderness and connection can coexist with passion. If you've ever wondered: Where do I even start? Is this appropriate in marriage? What if my spouse rejects it? Could this actually bring us closer? This episode will give you clarity and courage. Sex isn't just about bodies. It's about inviting your spouse into the private parts of your mind and heart. And that can be transformative. 👉 Download the Intimately Us app for access to more stories like this. 👉 Join us on the Get Your Marriage On Cruise this October. 👉 Try our coaching program free for 30 days. 👉 Snag the last-minute opening for our Spring Couples Retreat.

In this bonus Q&A episode, I tackle some of the most vulnerable and complex sexual questions couples are asking right now. We talk about: Anal play and whether certain acts are morally wrong Masturbation inside marriage — especially when your spouse is available What to do when teasing doesn't lead to follow-through How to talk dirty without feeling dirty Stepping into sexual confidence when your spouse wants more intensity Low desire that won't budge — even after trying everything And the painful dynamic of feeling like you're never "enough" Here's the core principle: Sex acts themselves are often neutral. What matters is the fruit they produce in your marriage. Is it building trust? Intimacy? Freedom? Playfulness? Or is it creating shame, pressure, resentment, or disconnection? This episode will help you think more deeply, talk more honestly, and navigate your sexual relationship with maturity and integrity. If you want deeper support, don't forget to check out the Get Your Marriage On Program — including our coaching community and 30-day free trial. Mentioned in the episode: Get Your Marriage On Dirty Talk Guide (From Awkward to Arousing: A Guide to "Dirty Talk" for Christians) Episode #91: How to Talk Dirty Without Feeling Dirty or Awkward SPECIAL OPPORTUNITY: Someone cancelled and now we have a spot open for you at our previously sold out spring retreat! Grab it now before it's gone!

Shame is a universal emotion — and for many Christians, sexual shame is one of the hardest to overcome. In this deeply honest conversation, I'm joined by Natalie Hamblin as we explore how sexual shame quietly divides marriages, and how couples can move toward sexual wholeness instead. We talk about: How shame creates emotional and physical distance Why hiding parts of yourself fractures intimacy The difference between guilt and shame How faith and sexuality actually belong together How to reframe sex as God-given and good What to do if shame from your past is haunting your present marriage The power of education and communication And how Natalie and her husband moved from fear to deep connection And if sexual shame is something you're actively working through, I invite you to explore our Get Your Marriage On coaching program. For a limited time, you can try it free for 30 days and get access to coaching sessions and our full course library. We also have an opening due to a cancellation at our upcoming couples retreat! We'd love to have you join us! Disclaimer: The opinions and values expressed by guests on the Get Your Marriage On! podcast are their own and do not necessarily reflect the opinions and values of the host. Appearance on the podcast does not imply an endorsement of the guest or their products by Get Your Marriage On or its host. While we work hard to bring you quality and valuable content, listeners are encouraged to use their own best judgment in applying the information or products discussed on this podcast.

In this special Bonus Q&A episode, Dan answers real questions from married couples about oral sex — from first-time nerves to performance anxiety, from orgasm struggles to emotional hangups. If you grew up in a home where sex was taboo… If you feel awkward, anxious, or unsure how to talk about this… If you're craving more connection but feel stuck… This episode is for you. Topics Dan addresses: • Feeling nervous about trying oral sex for the first time • Why orgasm anxiety can sabotage pleasure • "Why won't she kiss me after?" • Mixed feelings about disgust and desire • When one spouse wants more reciprocity • How resentment quietly builds in intimacy If you have anonymous questions, join our private Facebook group: Christian Couples Improving Intimacy in Marriage Or submit a question on our website. And don't forget — the Intimacy Sea Cruise (October 4–10) is almost full. Apply now at getyourmarriageon.com

(If you haven't listened to Part 1 yet, go back. It lays the foundation for everything we're about to discuss.) Because in Part 2, we get real . . . In this continuation of my conversation with Charlene Byers, we explore: Why honesty is the foundation of erotic intimacy What gets you stuck in roommate syndrome and resentment The "losing strategies" couples use without realizing it We also talk about small daily habits that simmer connection and how to rebuild intimacy when things feel distant. This one might stretch you—in a good way. And it'll give you language and motivation to start the conversations that lead to better connection (in and out of the bedroom). Resources and Events Don't miss this amazing opportunity to love and make love with your spouse better, TONIGHT!https://getyourmarriageon.com/next-levels-virtual-lovemaking-retreathttps://getyourmarriageon.com/our-apps/https://getyourmarriageon.com/program/https://getyourmarriageon.com/cruise/We had a cancellation for our retreat in the spring!https://getyourmarriageon.com/couples-retreat/ Disclaimer: The opinions and values expressed by guests on the Get Your Marriage On! podcast are their own and do not necessarily reflect the opinions and values of the host. Appearance on the podcast does not imply an endorsement of the guest or their products by Get Your Marriage On or its host. While we work hard to bring you quality and valuable content, listeners are encouraged to use their own best judgment in applying the information or products discussed on this podcast.

We don't just want sex. We want sexual experiences that move us. We want to walk out of the bedroom different than when we walked in. But somewhere along the way, sex can become… predictable. Scripted. Routine. In Part 1 of my guest appearance on Charlene Byers's podcast, we cover the following: The truth about sexual desire discrepancy (and why it's not a problem) How performance pressure quietly kills connection Two different reasons we give pleasure, and why one of them doesn't work What men and women are most turned on by What men and women are turned off by You'll also hear one of my own vulnerable marriage missteps and what it taught me about anxiety, meaning-making, and true intimacy. 👉 In Part 2, we go deeper into honesty, integrity, and the hard conversations that create real intimacy. Don't miss it. Resources and Events Don't miss this amazing opportunity to love and make love with your spouse better, TONIGHT!https://getyourmarriageon.com/next-levels-virtual-lovemaking-retreathttps://getyourmarriageon.com/our-apps/https://getyourmarriageon.com/program/https://getyourmarriageon.com/cruise/We had a cancellation for our retreat in the spring!https://getyourmarriageon.com/couples-retreat/ Disclaimer: The opinions and values expressed by guests on the Get Your Marriage On! podcast are their own and do not necessarily reflect the opinions and values of the host. Appearance on the podcast does not imply an endorsement of the guest or their products by Get Your Marriage On or its host. While we work hard to bring you quality and valuable content, listeners are encouraged to use their own best judgment in applying the information or products discussed on this podcast.

With Valentine's Day, just around the corner, I've been thinking a lot about what does it mean to really love my wife, and to love well? In this bonus episode, we pulled a favorite clip from our archive with Jennifer Finlayson-Fife, therapist-turned-coach, longtime mentor, and returning guest on the podcast, in which we asked her: "What does it mean to cherish your spouse?" Her answer is thoughtful, wise, actionable, and hopeful as she teaches how to build truly loving marriages. Resources and Events Don't miss this amazing opportunity to love and make love with your spouse better! https://getyourmarriageon.com/next-levels-virtual-lovemaking-retreathttps://getyourmarriageon.com/our-apps/https://getyourmarriageon.com/program/https://getyourmarriageon.com/cruise/We had a cancellation for our retreat in the spring!https://getyourmarriageon.com/couples-retreat/ Disclaimer: The opinions and values expressed by guests on the Get Your Marriage On! podcast are their own and do not necessarily reflect the opinions and values of the host. Appearance on the podcast does not imply an endorsement of the guest or their products by Get Your Marriage On or its host. While we work hard to bring you quality and valuable content, listeners are encouraged to use their own best judgment in applying the information or products discussed on this podcast.

In this episode, Dan shares 10 proven habits that consistently lead to deeper intimacy, stronger desire, and more fulfilling sex in marriage. These aren't gimmicks or quick fixes. They're practical, repeatable behaviors that create powerful momentum over time. Drawing from years of coaching couples, personal experience, and a faith-centered perspective on sexuality, Dan explains how small, intentional choices compound into a marriage that feels connected, playful, trusting, and alive. Whether your marriage is already good or feels stuck, this episode will give you clear next steps you can start today! Resources and Events Don't miss this amazing opportunity to love and make love with your spouse better! https://getyourmarriageon.com/next-levels-virtual-lovemaking-retreathttps://getyourmarriageon.com/our-apps/https://getyourmarriageon.com/program/https://getyourmarriageon.com/cruise/We had a cancellation for our retreat in the spring!https://getyourmarriageon.com/couples-retreat/

It's much more common to be comfortable being the giver in sex than the receiver. In this episode, we explore why learning to relax and receive your spouse may be one of the most vulnerable and transformative skills in intimate marriage. Many couples know how to "get through" sex. Fewer know how to slow down, stay present, and experience deep emotional and physical connection together and they open up and receive. Dan shares how a simple "orgasmic meditation" practice can really increase the emotional and physical connection you share, even without traditional intercourse. Resources and Events Don't miss this amazing opportunity to love and make love with your spouse better!Early bird pricing ends January 31!https://getyourmarriageon.com/next-levels-virtual-lovemaking-retreathttps://getyourmarriageon.com/our-apps/https://getyourmarriageon.com/program/https://getyourmarriageon.com/cruise/We had a cancellation for our retreat in the spring!https://getyourmarriageon.com/couples-retreat/

Most couples spend years trying to change the very things in their spouse that will never change — and then feel frustrated, discouraged, or disconnected when nothing improves. Or they wonder why their attempts at connecting intimately fall flat. In this episode, Dan sits down with Dr. Denim Slade, creator of the C.O.R.E. Temperament model, to talk about something deeper than personality: temperament — the unchanging emotional wiring that shapes how we love, connect, and experience sex. You'll learn: The difference between personality and temperament (and why it matters) The four core temperaments that emerged from Dr. Slade's research Why each temperament experiences sex, desire, and intimacy differently How misunderstanding temperament creates unnecessary sexual tension What healthy vs. unhealthy versions of each temperament look like in the bedroom How to stop fighting what won't change — and start amplifying what already works By the end of this episode, you'll have a clearer understanding of yourself, your spouse, and how to build deeper emotional and sexual intimacy by working with your wiring instead of against it. Resources and Events Dr. Slade's free episode worksheetDon't miss this amazing opportunity to love and make love with your spouse better!Early bird pricing ends January 31! https://getyourmarriageon.com/next-levels-virtual-lovemaking-retreathttps://getyourmarriageon.com/our-apps/https://getyourmarriageon.com/program/https://getyourmarriageon.com/cruise/

Have you ever worked so hard to fix a problem in your marriage, only to find yourself right back in the same place weeks later? Most couples don't struggle because they aren't trying. They struggle because they're putting a lot of effort into changes that can't create lasting results. In this episode, Dan explains what it actually means to work smarter on your marriage, not harder. Drawing from systems theory, personal experience, and real coaching stories, he shows why some changes help temporarily while others lead to real, lasting transformation. He breaks down the difference between first-order change (doing more or less of the same things) and second-order change (upgrading the rules your relationship is operating on). You'll learn how to recognize when you're stuck in surface-level fixes, how to identify the unspoken "rules" your marriage is operating by, and what it looks like to make changes at the level that truly creates growth—especially around intimacy, desire differences, and recurring conflict. Resources https://getyourmarriageon.com/next-levels-virtual-lovemaking-retreat/https://getyourmarriageon.com/program/https://getyourmarriageon.com/our-apps/

What if ADHD isn't a bug in your marriage — but a feature? In this episode of the Get Your Marriage On Podcast, I sit down with Kamden Hainsworth, an ADHD coach and host of the Busy Brained Saint, to unpack how ADHD uniquely impacts desire, intimacy, novelty, rejection sensitivity, and emotional regulation in marriage. Kamden shares her mid-life burn out, late ADHD diagnosis, and how understanding her brain completely transformed her marriage and sex life. Together, they explore why ADHD can amplify desire differences, why boredom feels unbearable in intimacy, how rejection sensitivity dysphoria shows up in sex, and how novelty can be a powerful connector (when done with trust and communication). Whether you're the ADHD partner or married to one, this conversation offers clarity, compassion, and practical insight into building a more playful, honest, and deeply connected sexual relationship. Resources 101 Ways to Initiate SexThe Sexploration Listhttps://getyourmarriageon.com/program/https://getyourmarriageon.com/events/https://getyourmarriageon.com/our-apps/ Guest Links Kamden ADHD coaching Instagram: @kamden_adhd @thebusybrainedsaint Disclaimer: The opinions and values expressed by guests on the Get Your Marriage On! podcast are their own and do not necessarily reflect the opinions and values of the host. Appearance on the podcast does not imply an endorsement of the guest or their products by Get Your Marriage On or its host. While we work hard to bring you quality and valuable content, listeners are encouraged to use their own best judgment in applying the information or products discussed on this podcast.

What's the difference between pursuing your spouse and pressuring them, and why does it matter so much for desire, attraction, and connection? In this episode, Dan joins Sean on the Dad Improvement Podcast for an honest conversation about what actually creates passion in marriage, and what quietly kills it. You'll hear why emotional connection must come before sexual connection, how pressure can either destroy attraction or build it (depending on how it's expressed), and why pretending everything is fine does more damage than honesty ever could. This episode is especially for husbands who want more intimacy but don't want to become needy, entitled, or emotionally disconnected in the process — and for couples navigating desire differences without resentment. Stick around to the end, because now it's time for Dan to share his black belt sex tip! Resources and Events Valentine's Day Weekend Virtual Retreathttps://getyourmarriageon.com/events/https://getyourmarriageon.com/our-apps/Get Your Marriage On! Cruise: October 2026