Marriage Therapy Radio

Zach sits down with couple Victoria Shalet and Adam James for a thoughtful and honest conversation about navigating the complexities of partnership. Drawing from their experiences in psychotherapy and performance, they unpack how their personal and professional worlds inform the way they connect, communicate, and occasionally clash. Through light banter and open reflection, they explore moments of conflict, the importance of language in de-escalating tension, and the ways in which curiosity and humor keep them grounded. The episode offers listeners a window into a real, evolving relationship—complete with vulnerability, insight, and a shared desire to do better. Key Takeaways Words carry emotional weightReplacing phrases like “that’s crazy” with “that’s surprising” can reduce defensiveness and create more space for empathy. Curiosity is a relationship strengthBeing able to ask your partner, “What’s really going on here?” rather than jumping to conclusions can keep you connected even in disagreement. Repair isn’t a performanceWhat matters most is showing up after a rupture and trying again, not always getting it perfect in the moment. Therapy and acting intersectUnderstanding roles, scripts, and self-reflection can enrich how we navigate relational dynamics—but they don’t make us immune to the mess. Laughter lightens the loadHumor isn’t just a relief valve—it’s a tool for staying close during tough conversations. Guest Info Victoria ShaletA former actor turned psychotherapist, Victoria now works with clients to build emotional resilience and deeper self-awareness. Her therapeutic lens brings nuance and reflection to how she shows up in her relationship. Learn more at spaceinme.com. Adam JamesAdam is a seasoned British actor with credits across television, theatre, and film, including roles in Doctor Foster, I May Destroy You, and Belgravia. His insight into communication, presence, and emotional fluency offers a unique complement to his partner’s therapeutic perspective. View his work at IMDb. Key Takeaways Guest Info Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Zach is joined again by clinical and forensic psychologist Dr. Shannon Curry for a direct and thoughtful exploration of how language shapes conflict in relationships. Together, they dissect common but often misused terms like “narcissist,” “gaslighting,” and “codependent,” highlighting the real harm that can come from assigning labels without clear definitions or clinical backing. Shannon brings clarity and nuance to a conversation that many couples face in therapy: how do you talk about what’s not working without turning your partner into a diagnosis? They explore why describing behavior—not assigning blame—builds trust and forward movement. The conversation also touches on the research around what actually predicts relationship success and how couples can stay grounded in hope and creativity, even in difficult seasons. Key Takeaways The problem with labelingTerms like “narcissist” and “gaslighter” are frequently misapplied. Talk about behavior, not pathologyYou don’t need a diagnosis to identify harmful or unhelpful dynamics. Focusing on specific behaviors allows for clarity and change. The traits that actually matterZach discusses the importance of approaching our relationship with hope and creativity. Guest Info Dr. Shannon CurryDr. Curry is a clinical and forensic psychologist with advanced training in trauma therapy, couples counseling, and high-conflict relational dynamics. She is the founder of the Curry Psychology Group, a team-based mental health practice in Southern California. Shannon is known for her clarity, compassion, and expertise in both therapeutic and legal settings. Website: currypsychgroup.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Zach continues his conversation with clinical psychologist Dr. Shannon Curry for a vulnerable and intellectually engaging conversation that blends personal storytelling, relationship science, and unexpected insight. Shannon opens up about how her own relationship defied her expectations, thanks to what she learned from psychologist Tai Tashiro’s research on the three personality traits that lead to lasting happiness. They dive into what it means to choose a partner based on substance over spark, how grief and trauma can shape family planning decisions, and why admiration—not just chemistry—can sustain love. Shannon also shares her deeply personal journey of caring for her father through dementia and how it’s connected to her professional values and sense of purpose. This episode is rich with real-life honesty, expert-backed wisdom, and the kind of reflective conversation that stays with you long after the final minute. Key Takeaways The Three Relationship Traits That Matter Most: According to Tai Tashiro’s research, conscientiousness, low neuroticism, and moderate adventurousness are better predictors of lasting relationship satisfaction than looks or wealth. Choosing the Right Kind of Chemistry: True intimacy often comes from admiration and emotional safety, not physical attraction alone. Love Without Children: Shannon shares why she and her husband Ty are "childless by choice" and how past grief shaped that decision. Caregiving as Sacred Work: Shannon reflects on caring for her father through dementia and how her training as a psychologist helps her meet his needs with dignity and compassion. Letting Go of the Checklist: Her personal love story challenges societal norms around partner selection and encourages listeners to rethink what really leads to long-term happiness. Guest Info Dr. Shannon Curry Clinical and forensic psychologist Founder of Curry Psychology Group Certified in the Gottman Method High-profile expert witness and advocate for healthy relationships @currypsychgroup on Instagram Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Zach sits down with Dr. Shannon Curry—clinical psychologist, couples therapist, and founder of the Curry Psychology Group—for a nuanced discussion about what happens when couples “team up” against their therapist in session. Drawing on her forensic background and deep clinical insight, Shannon explores the subtle dynamics of triangulation, conflict avoidance, and the emotional strategies people learn early in life to stay safe in relationships. Together, Zach and Shannon talk about how the therapeutic space can trigger old wounds, what it takes to speak hard truths in love, and why being emotionally honest is often the most generous thing a partner can do. With warmth, curiosity, and real-life anecdotes, this episode speaks directly to the complexity of partnership—and the courage it takes to grow within one. Key Takeaways When Couples Turn on the TherapistShannon shares how one partner will sometimes rush to “protect” the other during difficult feedback, forming an unconscious alliance that derails growth—and puts the therapist in the role of the enemy. Emotional Manipulation as a Survival StrategyMany clients learn passive or controlling behaviors in childhood because direct expression wasn’t safe. These aren’t character flaws—they’re adaptive tools that once worked. Conflict as a MirrorThe messiest moments in therapy often reflect old attachment wounds. Shannon emphasizes that when conflict emerges in session, it's not a sign of failure—it’s a signal of something important beneath the surface. The Generosity of TruthZach proposes a compelling reframe: that emotional honesty—even when it’s uncomfortable—is a gift of generosity in relationships. Shannon agrees, calling truth-telling a spiritual value in her work. The Truth Will Set You Free... EventuallySometimes growth hurts. Shannon shares a quote from her boarding school that sticks with her: “The truth will set you free—but first it will make you miserable.” Guest Info Dr. Shannon Curry Clinical and forensic psychologist Founder of Curry Psychology Group Certified in the Gottman Method High-profile expert witness and advocate for healthy relationships @currypsychgroup on Instagram Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Previously available only to our Patreon supporters, this special episode of So I Married a Relationship Expert is now being released to the full Marriage Therapy Radio audience. In this candid and heartfelt conversation, Zach interviews his longtime co-host, Laura Heck, and her husband, Ryan Heck, to explore what it’s really like to be married to a relationship expert. You’ll hear honest reflections, unexpected challenges, and plenty of humor as they open up about the reality behind the podcast mic. Laura and Ryan talk about how therapy shaped (and sometimes complicated) their dynamic, what they’ve learned about conflict and connection over the years, and how their relationship continues to grow. It’s real, it’s vulnerable, and it’s full of insights that any couple, expert or not, can relate to. This is real life, not a therapy room: Laura explains how her skills as a therapist don’t always transfer cleanly into her marriage. Conflict isn’t failure: Ryan shares how he used to fear that fighting meant something was wrong, and how he’s redefined that belief. Growth takes time (and patience): Both Laura and Ryan open up about how emotional literacy didn’t come naturally, and still requires practice. Connection over perfection: A recurring theme in the conversation is letting go of being right or perfectly understood, and focusing instead on meaningful connection. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Zach sits down with Baya Voce and Emmy Bush to talk about falling in love hard and fast, hitting a wall after the wedding, and what it takes to rebuild a relationship rooted in honesty, health, and play. The couple, known for their wildly creative wedding (think Burning Man meets RuPaul meets adult summer camp), dive deep into what really happened once the party ended. They speak candidly about the emotional fallout after getting married, the surprising way attachment systems get triggered by commitment, and how chronic health issues nearly broke them. What followed was not a breakup—but a rebuilding. One that required therapy, nervous system repair, personal accountability, and a whole lot of humor. Baya and Emmy don’t just offer advice—they embody a kind of radical relational creativity. You’ll hear about their cake competitions, their “Spock Mind Meld” reconnection rituals, and their profound respect for giving each other freedom inside commitment. Key Takeaways Commitment Triggers the Nervous SystemGetting married activated their attachment systems in a new way, challenging their sense of freedom and safety. This is a common but under-discussed phenomenon in newlyweds. Health Impacts ConflictPost-wedding, Emmy’s health deteriorated due to mold toxicity, and Baya’s stress response was in overdrive. Their physical states made emotional regulation nearly impossible, leading to what they called “nothing burgers” turning into huge fights. Processing Isn’t Always the AnswerDespite being a therapist and being in therapy, they realized their go-to relationship tools (like deep processing) weren’t what the relationship needed. What it needed was play, softness, and space. Staying = GrowingThey describe “packing their bags but never leaving,” demonstrating that staying through the hard parts gave them the space to evolve as individuals and as a couple. The Relationship Is Its Own EntityInspired by their mentor, Baya describes how the relationship has its own needs, separate from individual preferences. Honoring those needs became the key to rebuilding trust and connection. Guest Socials https://www.instagram.com/baya_voce/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Zach is joined by Darren and LaVerna Wilk to explore the journey of maintaining a thriving marriage through the transitions of parenting, fostering, and embracing the empty nest phase. With over 35 years of marriage and five daughters, they share insights on shifting from parenting to partnership, cultivating friendship, and keeping their relationship adventurous. They discuss planning intentional "midlife crises" to infuse novelty into their marriage, the importance of repair as a core practice, and how prioritizing their relationship has strengthened their family. Their experiences as foster parents and therapists provide a unique perspective on building resilience and connection in long-term relationships.Best Marriages Key Takeaways Embracing the Empty Nest: LaVerna reflects on finding joy and predictability in an empty house, and how her relationships with her daughters have flourished as they gained independence. Intentional Midlife Adventures: The Wilks share how planning shared adventures, like off-road Jeep trips, has brought excitement and growth to their marriage. The Power of Repair: They emphasize that conflict resolution is about building the muscle of repair, trusting that they can return to and resolve issues when ready. Marriage as the Foundation: Prioritizing their marriage, even when it meant disappointing their children, has been key to their enduring partnership. Reconnection Rituals: After time apart, they use intentional rituals to reconnect and realign emotionally, ensuring their bond remains strong. Darren Wilk, R.C.C., M.A., C.G.T. and LaVerna Wilk, R.C.C., M.C., C.G.T. Co-founders of Best Marriages Certified Gottman Therapist and Advanced Trainer Best Marriages Couples counseling center based in Langley, BC Offers Gottman Method therapy, workshops, and intensive sessions Visit Best Marriages Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In this concluding episode of the guest-host series, Desirae Ysasi and Zach dive into the art of reparenting, integration, and communication in relationships. They explore what it means to revisit your childhood self while also allowing your younger self to guide you through present challenges. Desirae opens up about the overwhelm of parenting through work stress, sharing how her daughter’s recent emotional outburst became a mirror for her own emotional state. Zach reflects on a recent conference experience, the power of being seen by your partner, and how receiving feedback can sometimes feel like being put under a microscope. They also discuss the five winning strategies for building intimacy, from speaking to make things better to cherishing what you have. Desirae explains her concept of “history-colored glasses,” a powerful metaphor for how our past influences our present reactions. Whether you’re struggling to communicate or trying to feel more connected to yourself and your partner, this episode is full of practical, reflective insights. Key Takeaways Reparenting the Inner Child Desirae explains that reparenting is about becoming the parent you needed as a child, addressing unresolved wounds, and learning to provide yourself with the nurturing and validation you may have missed. History-Colored Glasses The way we see the world is deeply influenced by our past experiences. If you grew up around loving, joyful yelling, loud voices will feel warm. If yelling was traumatic, it will feel threatening. The challenge is to rewrite those old scripts. Learning to Speak to Make Things Better Desirae emphasizes that many of us speak to unload or defend, not to improve the relationship dynamic. Shifting to a “speak to make things better” mindset can completely alter the tone of conflict. Cherishing as a Practice of Receiving Cherishing isn’t just about giving love—it’s also about receiving it. Desirae explains that learning to accept even small gestures from your partner can be just as transformative as grand gestures. Integration: Bringing All Parts of Yourself to the Table Zach reflects on his own experience of feeling fragmented, wondering how to integrate all parts of himself rather than prioritizing certain aspects and neglecting others. Desirae affirms that all parts have a place, even the wounded, anxious, or insecure ones. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Zach and Desirae Ysasi pick up where they left off—diving deep into the intersections of race, identity, privilege, and emotional intimacy in relationships and therapy spaces. What unfolds is a profoundly honest and vulnerable conversation about belonging, the emotional labor of marginalized people, and what it means to truly listen and connect across differences. Desirae shares how her lived experience as a Mexican-American woman shapes her approach to relationships, while Zach opens up about grappling with his identity as a white man raised with privilege. The episode becomes a model of real-time learning and mutual respect, grounded in curiosity and humility. This is more than just a conversation about culture—it’s about how we show up for each other with compassion, honesty, and a willingness to grow. Key Takeaways Curiosity Over CertaintyZach and Desirae reflect on the importance of asking questions to understand, not to correct. True connection comes from being willing to sit in uncertainty and learn from others' lived experiences. Self-Esteem as a Spiritual ConceptDesirae explains that healthy intimacy requires healthy self-esteem—and for many marginalized people, self-worth must be cultivated not from the culture around them, but from a deep spiritual sense of belonging and worthiness. Therapists are Still Learning, TooZach shares a story about unintentionally alienating a client and asks how to be better. Desirae responds with grace and clarity. Navigating Marriage in a Marginalized BodyDesirae speaks powerfully about what it means to build intimacy in a world that has long devalued your body, identity, and culture. Even with all the right tools, trauma and oppression create layers that take time and care to unwind. Guest Link ysasicounseling.com Based in San Antonio, TX Specializes in couples therapy, cultural identity, and relational healing Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Zach welcomes Desirae Ysasi for her first appearance as a guest co-host—and what unfolds is a warm, insightful, and occasionally awkward conversation about parenting, marriage, culture, and therapist life. From Desirae’s daughter offering podcast advice (“don’t be weird”) to Zach’s reflections on parenting adult children, the two therapists pull back the curtain on their real lives. They explore how therapists experience their own relationships, what it means to “cherish” your partner, and why Desirae believes couples can still struggle with conflict even when they have all the tools. Their honesty and laughter make space for listeners to reflect on their own relationships—not from a place of performance, but of grace, learning, and genuine care. This episode is the first of a three-part series with Desirae, and it sets the tone beautifully: smart, soulful, and full of moments that might just help you feel softer toward yourself or your partner. Key Takeaways You Can Know the Tools and Still StruggleDesirae reveals that even as a couples therapist, conflict in her marriage doesn’t always look pretty—but what makes the difference is how she and her husband repair. Cherishing as a Daily PracticeCherishing isn’t about grand romantic gestures. It’s about making sure your partner has tangible access to your love and affection—in everyday moments, through small actions. Conflict Isn’t the Problem—Disconnection IsDesirae shares that the hardest part of conflict is not being able to be generous. What matters is not just the argument, but whether you can still be open, kind, and connected during hard moments. Therapists are People, TooThe episode normalizes that even people trained to guide others through relationships have messy, human partnerships of their own—and that’s part of what makes the work so honest. Guest Link ysasicounseling.com Based in San Antonio, TX Specializes in couples therapy, trauma, and relational healing Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Zach sits down with Krystal and Dedric Polite, real estate entrepreneurs, parents, and partners who built their marriage and business with vision, honesty, and hustle. Known for their HGTV show and business Be Polite Properties, the Polites take listeners behind the scenes of their relationship — from their first date (which felt more like an interview) to their evolving partnership as co-parents and business owners. Krystal and Dedric share how intentionality, therapy, and shared values laid the foundation for their long-term success. Krystal’s bold, upfront approach is met with Dedric’s easygoing warmth, and together, they show how different strengths can complement each other when grounded in trust and aligned purpose. They talk about therapy, parenting, building generational wealth, and how they support each other’s dreams—and why Krystal believes “you have to find out early if your partner is a teammate or an opponent.” Key Takeaways Start How You Want to Finish Krystal approached their very first date with intentionality—talking credit scores, life goals, and values—because she knew she didn’t want to wait years to get to the heart of a relationship. Therapy From the Beginning Two months into their relationship, Krystal insisted on couples therapy—something Dedric initially resisted, but now credits as a major reason they’ve stayed strong. Teammates, Not Opponents Their philosophy of marriage centers on being on the same team. Krystal explains how many couples are unknowingly married to their opponent—and how to avoid that trap early. Unlearning “Too Much Strength” Raised by strong single mothers, both Krystal and Dedric had to unlearn old patterns—Krystal admits it took years to allow Dedric to help with parenting, and Dedric had to learn not to emotionally shut down. Support Each Other’s Dreams Their real estate business was Dedric’s dream—Krystal helped launch it. Their trampoline park franchise? That’s Krystal’s dream—and now Dedric is all in. Guest Links @bepoliteproperties HGTV’s 50/50 Flip (Krystal & Dedric’s show) bepoliteproperties.com (for speaking, investing, and media inquiries) Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In this vulnerable and powerful episode, Zach is joined by Tarah and EJ Kerwin, a married therapist duo and co-founders of Relationship Renovation, a counseling center and podcast dedicated to helping couples reconnect and rebuild. With honesty, warmth, and even some tears, Tarah and EJ take us behind the scenes of their own marriage—from honeymoon bliss to total overwhelm, from avoidance and trauma to healing and deep emotional presence. They share how the birth of their twins shifted their entire dynamic, how ketamine-assisted therapy helped Tarah reconnect with forgotten trauma, and how they both committed to doing the inner work to stay together, grow together, and model safety for their blended family. This episode is a window into the real, raw, and redemptive process of building a resilient marriage, even when both partners are therapists. Key Takeaways The Before & After of Parenting Going from 0 to 4 kids (including twins with colic) rocked their nervous systems—and their connection. The honeymoon phase disappeared overnight, and they had to rebuild their emotional infrastructure from scratch. Healing Through Ketamine Therapy A supervised ketamine protocol opened the door for deep trauma processing, revealing forgotten abuse and emotional blockages. It became a turning point for compassion, communication, and reconnection in their marriage. Authenticity Over Perfection As therapists, they felt pressure to “walk the talk,” but real healing came when they dropped the performance and embraced their own messy growth. “The best marriages aren’t perfect—they’re honest and evolving.” Relearning Safety Together Tarah’s trauma responses affected their intimacy and communication, and EJ had to learn not to retreat during conflict. Over time, they created a marriage where all parts of themselves could show up and be seen. The Power of Staying Instead of giving up, they chose to double down—on themselves, their love, and their mission to help others. Their counseling center now helps hundreds of couples every week, born from the lessons of their hardest moments. Guest Info Tarah & EJ Kerwin Podcast: Relationship Renovation Website: relationshiprenovation.com Instagram: @relationship.renovation Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Zach is joined by Dr. Brenna and Edmund Squires, a Florida-based couple navigating the complexities of marriage, faith, and long-term infertility. Married for nine years, Brenna—a psychologist and wellness consultant—and Edmund—a military veteran—share how their relationship has been shaped by both deep love and hard-fought resilience. Their conversation explores the emotional toll of unexplained infertility, how they’ve learned to support each other through grief and disappointment, and the importance of prioritizing their marriage above all else. They also discuss their faith and the role it plays in their decisions, and they open up about maintaining intimacy during a prolonged fertility journey—introducing the term "deliberate spontaneity" as a way to keep connection alive even amid stress. Whether you're navigating your own fertility challenges or simply working to grow stronger together, this episode is full of vulnerability, wisdom, and hope. Key Takeaways Infertility Is a Couple’s Issue, Not Just One Partner’s Burden Initially, Brenna bore the brunt of testing and treatment. They had a breakthrough moment where they decided to re-center as a team—emotionally, physically, and spiritually. "Deliberate Spontaneity" in the Bedroom Trying to conceive can quickly turn sex into a chore. They’ve adapted by planning spontaneity—romanticizing required intimacy so it stays emotionally fulfilling and connected. Open Communication as an Anchor Long conversations, emotional check-ins, and apologies are core practices in their marriage. Brenna's mental health training adds insight, but it's mutual vulnerability that creates safety and closeness. Supporting Others Through Their Story Out of their own experience, Brenna and Edmund have launched monthly webinars and resources for couples navigating infertility. Their goal: help couples strengthen their relationship first, so they’re not starting their family journey from a place of disconnect. Learn more about Dr. Brenna and Edmond Squires at https://www.encourageandempowerwellness.com/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Zach and Annie dive deep into the art of transition, emotional pacing, and connection in long-term relationships. With their signature mix of warmth, honesty, and thoughtful reflection, they explore how couples can move from emotional distance to reconnection—without overwhelming each other. The episode kicks off with banter about TikToks and volleyball, then shifts into the heart of the matter: how relationships evolve when we learn to slow down, name what's happening inside us, and give our nervous systems time to catch up. Annie introduces the concept of “titration”—a gentle, incremental approach to change—and explains how it can transform conflict, emotional intimacy, and even personal growth in marriage. They also unpack the meaning behind defensiveness, offer powerful metaphors like “two stump spouses” and “learning how to swim before diving into the deep end,” and share a profound story from Annie’s own marriage about grief, rage, and radical honesty. Key Takeaways Titration: A Slow Path to Growth Just like IV fluid must enter the body slowly to avoid harm, emotional intimacy must also be introduced gently. In marriage, rushing change can overwhelm both partners. Learning to pace growth allows real connection to develop. Defensiveness Is a Signal, Not a Flaw Annie reframes defensiveness as the body’s way of saying, “Something in me needs defending.” This awareness transforms conflict into curiosity: What part of me (or my partner) is trying to stay safe right now? Marriage as a Long Game Cultural myths tell us that getting married is the destination. But marriage is actually the beginning of a lifelong practice. Zach poses the question: When does the future start? The answer? Now. The “Two Stumps” Metaphor Annie shares a client story: two spouses, emotionally worn down, feel like “stumps.” But even a stump can grow a new tree—if both people are willing to name where they are and choose to rebuild. Narrating the Inner World to Bridge Emotional Distance Instead of acting from emotion, Annie shares the power of narrating your internal dialogue to a partner. Her story of grief and rage during her father’s passing—and how naming it created immediate connection with her husband—is a masterclass in vulnerability. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Zach and Annie continue their deep dive into the complexities of relationships, trauma, and identity. After their last conversation, Annie had some lingering thoughts—so they reconvene to expand on the "divine setup" in marriage, the role of trauma in shaping our sense of self, and the ways we either grow or get stuck in our relational patterns. Annie shares powerful insights on why we choose the partners we do, explaining that we often marry someone who fills a need or answers a question we have at that time in our life. But what happens when that need is met, or the question shifts? Zach brings in his own experiences and observations from working with couples, exploring how marriage evolves not just once, but over and over again. They also tackle the difference between trauma and complex trauma, the ways we develop "superpowers" to protect ourselves, and the challenge of learning to let our partners be good for us when we've been wired to expect the opposite. Whether you’re interested in why your marriage looks the way it does, how past experiences shape present relationships, or how to create a new map for your future, this episode is full of thought-provoking and deeply personal wisdom. Key Takeaways The "Divine Setup" in Marriage We often choose partners who offer us something we were missing—whether it’s adventure, security, or stability. Trauma vs. Complex Trauma Trauma is often a single event with a clear "before and after." Complex trauma is long-term, shaping how we see ourselves and how safe we feel expressing our true identity. Annie explains that marriage can provide a corrective experience, but only if we recognize our ingrained patterns and choose to challenge them. The "Superpowers" That Protect Us—And Hold Us Back Many of our best traits are actually survival strategies we developed to stay safe in childhood. Zach and Annie discuss how intuition, flexibility, and people-pleasing can be strengths—but also barriers to real connection. The work in marriage (and therapy) is to identify what we’re protecting—and learn how to let our full selves be seen. Learning to Let Your Partner Be Good to You If someone has grown up in an unsafe environment, trusting a good partner can feel terrifying. Annie shares how she spent years interpreting Matt’s kindness as a trick, until she consciously changed the way she listened to him. Expanding the Map: How We Create a New Reality Our early relationships give us a "map" of how to do life—but that map can be outdated. Zach introduces a thought experiment: Can we imagine a different future for ourselves? If we can visualize a world where we are loved, safe, and free, we can start making choices that align with that future. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Zach reconnects with one of his oldest friends, Annie, for an intimate and reflective conversation about friendship, marriage, personal growth, and recovery. Having known each other since summer camp in 1992, Zach and Annie have shared decades of milestones—from witnessing each other's weddings to navigating major life transitions. Their conversation spans everything from early expectations of marriage to the reality of long-term relationships. Annie opens up about her experience with alcohol dependence, parenting struggles, and self-discovery, reflecting on the way her past shaped her approach to love and commitment. Zach brings his own experiences to the table, offering insights into how relationships evolve and the ways we set ourselves up—consciously or not—for specific relationship patterns. This episode is raw, deeply personal, and full of hard-won wisdom about love, identity, and change. Whether you’re in a long-term marriage, newly navigating relationships, or interested in the intersection of personal history and relationship dynamics, this episode is an honest look at how we grow and redefine love over time. Key Takeaways Friendships Can Be the Best Mirrors Zach and Annie have been in each other’s lives for decades, offering a unique perspective on each other’s growth, patterns, and blind spots. Having a long-term friendship means having someone who remembers who you were before you became who you are now. Marriage Often Reflects Our Deepest Patterns Annie discusses "the divine setup"—the idea that we marry someone who mirrors how we’ve always related to people. She explores how past trauma and chemistry influence partner selection, sometimes without us realizing it. How Recovery Changes Relationships Annie opens up about how quitting alcohol disrupted her marriage dynamic and forced both her and her husband to adjust to a new reality. Zach shares how personal health creates a gravitational pull, encouraging those around us to either adjust or resist. Redefining What It Means to Be a "Good" Parent Annie realized that her early definition of patience as a mom was actually just repressing her emotions. She discusses how learning to tolerate her children’s emotions without fixing everything transformed her relationship with them. Why Long-Term Marriages Keep Evolving Zach and Annie reflect on how their views on marriage have shifted from when they first got married to today. Annie shares a pivotal moment when she realized she had married someone who allowed her to relate the way she always had—but that didn’t mean she had to stay stuck in old patterns Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Zach sits down with Kyle and Ariel, a married couple who have been together for over 12 years and now run a business together, Couplepreneur, where they coach entrepreneurial couples on growing their businesses without sacrificing their relationships. From meeting as middle school sweethearts to reconnecting later in life, their story is one of personal growth, ambition, and learning how to navigate both marriage and entrepreneurship. The conversation explores the challenges of working together as a couple, the power of open communication, and the critical role of setting boundaries between work and home life. Kyle and Ariel share personal experiences of overcoming emotional distance, embracing vulnerability, and making sure their relationship remains strong amid the demands of business. They also talk about the “before and after” moments in their marriage—key turning points that shaped who they are today. Whether you’re a couple in business together or simply trying to balance ambition and intimacy, this episode is full of actionable insights and heartfelt reflections on what it takes to grow together rather than apart. Key Takeaways Balancing Love and Business As entrepreneurs, Kyle and Ariel had to learn how to separate business discussions from personal time to protect their relationship. They created clear boundaries, including their Sacred Sundays—a full day dedicated to rest, connection, and quality time. Navigating Emotional Intimacy and Vulnerability Kyle shares how he once held back from discussing personal struggles out of fear of judgment, which led to emotional distance. Once he opened up, it deepened their connection and helped Ariel feel more secure and less anxious about their relationship. The Power of Clear Communication Many couples assume conflict is negative, but Kyle and Ariel emphasize that conflict, when handled well, leads to greater intimacy. Their approach? Check in regularly, communicate openly, and ask: “How can we both get what we want?” instead of compromising too soon. From Middle School Crush to Life Partners They first dated at 14 years old before parting ways, reconnecting years later as different people. What made their relationship work the second time? A foundation of friendship, playfulness, and mutual respect. Finding Purpose and Alignment in Life and Business Ariel’s past as a marine biologist and nonprofit leader and Kyle’s career as a rock band drummer and digital marketer led them to help other couples grow businesses together. They now run the largest Facebook group for entrepreneur couples and host an annual Couplepreneur Live event to support business-driven relationships. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Zach sits down with Robin and Hector, a couple one year into their relationship, to explore the joys, challenges, and growth that come with navigating love in its early stages. Unlike many expert-driven episodes, this one offers a fresh, unfiltered look at a real couple figuring things out in real-time. Robin and Hector share how they met, how their past relationships shaped them, and what they’ve learned about vulnerability, communication, and emotional honesty in their first year together. They dive into the power of early boundaries, the difference between “healthy” and “unhealthy” tension, and how they navigate the complexities of blended family dynamics. Zach explores their philosophy on love, self-awareness, and conflict resolution, bringing in his own reflections on how early dating sets the stage for long-term success. Whether you’re in a new relationship or looking for insight into your own, this episode is a candid, engaging look at love in motion. Key Takeaways Saying “Yes” to Growth Hector reflects on his journey from introversion to embracing new experiences, both personally and in relationships. Robin shares how she admires his willingness to stretch himself, even in moments of discomfort. Meeting Online & The Hinge Effect The couple met on Hinge, but their connection was sparked by deeper qualities—gratitude, curiosity, and values—rather than just profiles. Robin shares how Hector’s thoughtful messages immediately stood out in a sea of online dating experiences. Navigating the First Year of a Relationship They discuss why vulnerability and emotional honesty played a key role in their fast-growing connection. Hector made a conscious decision to be fully himself from day one, sharing his struggles and past experiences early on. Blended Family Considerations Both coming from previous marriages, they are taking a slow, intentional approach to introducing their children to one another. Robin acknowledges that her past experiences have made her more protective of her kids’ emotional safety. How to Handle Early Relationship Challenges Robin shares how she pauses before reacting, checking whether an issue is truly about Hector or her own past experiences. They reflect on what it means to be truly honest while still speaking with care and emotional intelligence. Their “10/10” Relationship Mindset When asked to rate their relationship, they both confidently answered 10/10—not because they’re perfect, but because they are fully committed and intentional. They emphasize that a great relationship is built on gratitude, generosity, and self-awareness rather than perfection. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Zach sits down with Christa and Wes Hardin, founders of the Enneagram and Marriage platform https://www.enneagramandmarriage.com/. Christa, a seasoned relationship coach with a Master's in Clinical Psychology, has spent nearly two decades helping couples build stronger connections. Alongside her husband Wes, a physician assistant in family practice, they explore how the Enneagram has transformed their 24-year marriage and parenting journey. The conversation dives into the dynamics of Christa as a Type 7 (The Enthusiast) and Wes as a Type 1 (The Reformer), exploring how their differences create both challenges and opportunities for growth. They discuss how personality-driven conflicts, like bedtime routines and parenting approaches, can either drive couples apart or deepen connection when handled with understanding and flexibility. Zach, Christa, and Wes also reflect on the evolution of marriage, the value of "practicing" in relationships, and what they'd tell their younger selves about love, commitment, and personal growth. Whether you're an Enneagram enthusiast or just curious about how personality influences relationships, this episode offers practical wisdom, laughter, and honest insights. Key Takeaways Enneagram as a Relationship Tool Christa explains how the Enneagram helps couples quickly identify strengths, shadows, and growth areas. Opposites Attract—and Complement As a structured, detail-oriented Type 1, Wes values routine and precision. Christa, as a free-spirited Type 7, thrives on spontaneity and joy. They share how understanding their core motivations has helped them balance health, fun, and family life. The Reality of “Practicing” Marriage Both emphasize that marriage is ongoing practice—not perfection. They discuss how "expansiveness practices" help them navigate everyday challenges, like differing bedtime preferences, while honoring each other’s needs. What They’d Tell Their Younger Selves Christa: "Don’t put your partner on a pedestal. Love them for who they are, not who you expect them to be." Wes: "Focus on what brings you joy together, and you'll naturally avoid much of the pain couples face." Parenting with Personality Awareness They share how understanding their children’s Enneagram types (a 4, 9, and 7/6) has transformed their parenting approach. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In this special Boat Night episode of Marriage Therapy Radio, Zach brings listeners into an intimate, long-standing tradition—conversations between close friends about relationships, personal growth, and the realities of marriage. Joined by longtime friends Sean and Greg, the three discuss the importance of having deep, open friendships where men can talk candidly about their relationships, struggles, and personal evolution. The conversation explores whether it's okay to vent about your partner, how relationships evolve through multiple “marriages” within the same partnership, and the role of death and rebirth in love—not just metaphorically, but through real-life transitions. They also reflect on the greatest love stories of all time, challenging traditional narratives and examining what makes a relationship stand the test of time. With humor, vulnerability, and philosophical insight, Zach, Sean, and Greg navigate topics ranging from romantic expectations to identity and care in relationships, offering listeners a rare glimpse into the kinds of conversations that deepen friendships and marriages alike. Key Takeaways The Importance of Male Friendships and Spaces for Honesty Boat Night is a long-standing tradition where male friends gather to talk candidly about their relationships, families, and personal struggles. Having a trusted space to process relationship challenges doesn’t mean bashing your partner—it means seeking perspective and growth. Are You Allowed to Vent About Your Partner? The difference between "talking sh*t" about your spouse and "talking honestly" about struggles is intention. Healthy venting involves seeking understanding, not just resentment or validation from others. The Reality of Multiple Marriages Within a Marriage Long-term relationships go through different “marriages”—seasons of deep change where partners must recommit to each other in new ways. “If you've been married four times to the same person, that means three marriages had to die.” The Greatest Love Stories of All Time Aren’t What You Think Traditional narratives like Romeo and Juliet or Tristan and Isolde romanticize young, dramatic love, but real love stories are about long-term commitment, sacrifice, and growth. "In any love story, something has to die—fantasies, expectations, or parts of yourself—to make room for real love.” The Fear of Expressing Desire in Relationships Zach reflects on how he encourages couples to be direct about their needs, yet struggles with openly expressing his own. Many people hesitate to voice their desires because it makes them vulnerable to rejection—or because they’re unsure what they truly want. Who Cares for the Caregiver? As a therapist, Zach often supports others but wonders where he himself finds care and support. He wrestles with the tension between wanting to be strong for others and needing space to be vulnerable himself. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices