Kagro in the Morning

David Waldman gets us to the weekend, normally the time the crazy really cranks up. Anymore, it’s normally crazy, crazy is the new normal, and you don’t want to be caught acting normal, or people will think you’re crazy. Donald K. Trump wants the US to start celebrating our victories, including our imaginary ones. It beats fighting imaginary wars with our imaginary enemies. We are now in a forever war with Venezuela but aren’t starting to bomb them yet. At least, no bombing runs have been announced on Michael Waltz’ Signal account. Waltz’ Signal hasn’t been shut down though, Waltz and the crew have only moved their leaks to a different department. Steve Witkoff has been put in charge of endangering the world. Marco Rubio gets all the Jared Kushner jobs this time around. From Ukraine to slashing U.S. institutions, Trump plays into Putin’s hands, yet did Peter Navarro save democracy by destroying the economy? But wait! The economy might rebound just in time to fund the Trump dictatorship! Either way, friends of Trump, that is, friends of Trump’s graft will be sick of all the winning.

It’s Taco Tuesday, the day that David Waldman gives you something to taco ‘bout. You know that anything called the “crown jewel” of the justice department would soon become the “urinal cake” of the Trump administration, and that’s just what’s happened to the DOJ civil rights division now that “civil rights” have been removed from their to-do lists. What happens when courts can’t trust the executive branch? Well, they can’t, therefore the executive branch has no choice but to place the courts under arrest. In order to make DOGE “pre-legal”, the White House just won’t pay what it owes, and in a month and a half those receiving no money will feel similar to how they would if their budgets were lawfully cut. Over the last 100 days, Donald K. Trump has certainly disrupted government for the better. Out with the antiquated and obsolete, in with the new, the state-of-the-art, the avant-garde. Check out Canada, eh! Congratulations to Mark Carney, and good luck in defending your great country to that scourge to the south.

David Waldman and Greg Dworkin stand athwart chaos yelling Stop. But chaos never listens. Pete Kegsbreath wasn’t allowed a phone in the Pentagon, so he had Signal installed on his computer. For our national security we clearly need to find the 5th grader who keeps advising Pete. Now he’s asking for a makeup studio with a lock on the door. All that would seem kind of scandalous, until you hear what his boss is up to. There’s the Trump Tariffs, which could be at any level on any country as you read this, but it doesn’t matter. The damage has already been done, and in a few weeks that tsunami will make landfall. It’s easy to predict the destruction and lawsuits are in preparation. Trump has some new and old lies prepared, and some will be prepared to believe them. After all, look at how Elon Musk’s transparent lies always boost his stocks. Maybe a couple of big flags will help. Trump's deportation machine keeps growing, as do the lies. Migrants keep going to El Salvador, despite court orders. Donald K. Trump explains that trials would take a lot of time and effort, and we need to deal with masses of offenders quickly and efficiently if we want a real final solution to our illegals problem. Generally, people don’t approve of these things. Trump’s approval rating is lower than the “worst president in history”, which is also of course, him. ICE trucks cruising around like ice cream trucks seem to have soured Hispanic support. Trump would rather be feared than liked, but he has a real problem with not being liked as well. The only people more insecure than Trump or even Elon Musk are the incels too poor to afford to pay women to pretend to like them. They hope Trump will tariff women into relieving their 100% sex trade deficit.

On today’s KITM, David Waldman delivers us to the weekend and parks us right under the cloud of another mass shooting. Well, you can’t say this shooter was the quiet type who always kept to themselves that you’d never guess… Senator Chris Van Hollen went to El Salvador and met Kilmar Abrego Garcia, yet neither one of their heads have appeared on pikes behind Donald K. Trump in a press briefing, so I guess things are better than I thought, and less what Sebastian Gorka wishes they were. A judge has also kept Trump from ordering hundreds of thousands of Cubans, Haitians, Nicaraguans and Venezuelans to leave the country, but like the heads on pikes, we don’t know what this weekend will bring. Trump did promise to end the war in Ukraine easily within 24 hours. Of course, if it takes longer, or becomes difficult, that offer is void. Measles and E. coli spread, but not as fast as Russian chatbot disinformation.

If you’re one of KITM’s many hardcore MAGA followers, you’re probably reading this in your local rural diner, sipping a cup o’ joe, digging into your confit pork belly and rye pain with extra cheese, contemplating how you’ve become objectively superior in all ways to all people, and frankly just hotter to everyone around you. That’s when you get that text from Elon wondering where you are and telling you to get back to work… sigh. DOGE never was about finding fraud and saving money. It’s always been about digitally couping for the lulz. It’s about taking what they want because they can. It’s about knocking the biggest things over, then daring anyone to prove that they did it. Why that’s obviously immoral, illegal, inhuman! Oh look, now they want reparations...

Happy Going! We’re all getting punchy heading into the weekend, as if the weekend will be a breather for any of us. David Waldman effectuates our weekending KITM, and I facilitate that with this summary, I hope. Donald K. Trump pardoned a corporation, yet has not appointed a horse to Senate, which might be more of a late term thing. Polytheism seems to be wearing thin in Trump/Musk circles, with Elon Musk’s pride goething before his fall. Thou shalt bow down thyself only onto Trump in Cabinet meetings. (Graven images available at the door.) Two people guilty of not praising Donald enough are being investigated for treason, while Trump shops for his presidential Luger. Marco Rubio is punishing the country of South Sudan for not accepting the Democratic Republic of the Congo citizen he sent there by mistake. The commander of a Greenland military base was ousted when she failed to rattle her saber loudly enough for JD Vance. US tells Greenland “I see you have Injuns! We have Injuns!” Kennedy Center president Richard Grenell believes people boycotting the Kennedy Center hate Republicans, when mostly they hate Richard Grenell. What happens when the courts can’t trust the Executive Branch? Well, we are about to find out, because the courts can’t trust the Executive Branch. Learn more about courts of equity, such as the Court of Chancery. Kash Patel plans to work remotely in his FBI position but wasn’t remotely working in his ATF job. Hey now… there’s no proof that Marjorie Taylor Green participated in insider trading this week, or placed pipe bombs prior to Jan 6… It just looks like that. RFK Jr. will discover the cause of autism by this fall, but if you have cancer, you’ll need to wait a little longer. It’s only TLDR if you don’t take the time to read it! How did the President lose and when did he lose it in the SCOTUS Alien Enemy Act case? Curtis Yarvin always wanted to destroy the United States and the global economy, yet somehow still feels empty inside.