Kagro in the Morning

Where in the world is David Waldman? ™ David has left "on vacation" for the next few weeks... similarly to Eric Swalwell, but for quite dissimilar reasons. In fact, Mr. Waldman talked to me in a small Ohio diner only yesterday and just might be heading to your town soon! Only a few days ago, Donald JFC Trump announced a beautiful joint venture, shaking down tankers with Iran on the Strait of Hormuz. The following day, Donald discovered that those Iranian bastards were holding on to his cut! Two days later, Trump decided to set up his toll booth a hundred yards ahead of Iran's, then flay and impale those trying to hop his turnstiles. (This is all about Uranium, by the way.) Who's to blame? JD Vance is set to be Trump's Biden of the midterms. Vance's failure in Iran folded right into his failure in Hungary. "Obliterated Iran" and "Unoustable Orbán" were pretty slow pitches to whiff, too. The Trump administration has been trying to explain to our allies that the greatest threat to the world are the people most opposed to the Trump administration, and if those countries don't believe that, then they are also the greatest threat to the world. Trinidad's prime minister is using that same energy to aim US guns at those who oppose her.

David Waldman wishes everyone a good Friday. Donald K. Trump fired Pam Bondi, surprising no one but Pam, who begged like a dog for mercy, in vain. Donald tacos only to stop his own tears. Was it Epstein? Not enough enemies locked up? Maybe Trump just couldn't take the smell of her nose anymore... he did have to switch seats when she sat too close. Bondi is no doubt relieved that she doesn't have to take orders from the Chip Roys of the world. By the way, Todd Blanche will be worse. Bondi's is not the only regime being changed. Pete Hic-seth is taking advantage of all the downtime to eliminate any vestiges of leadership lingering in the armed forces. Pete's problem is that these guys can fire back. Kash Patel would be an obvious choice to stick in your Kalshi, but Tulsi Gabbard might be gaining on him. Trump will cram in some more tariffs while he still can. The House punts on Homeland Security funding, as they have tended to do. Trump's other killing field, Iran, doesn't worry the stock market as much, because the kickbacks are still great at the moment. In two weeks however expect some big changes… like American casualties, war crimes and another regime change or two to shake things up. Colorado appeals court ordered a redo of violent criminal Tina Peter's sentence but upheld her convictions. It's time for Democrats to become arrayed in uniting states with model laws, such as the Uniform Commercial Code, for instance.

Is the news really getting dumber and more chaotic every day? There's only one way (that I'm willing) to find out! And that's by re-running our March 31, 2025 episode today. David Waldman and Greg Dworkin were, at the time, back for yet another week of KITM! How do they do it, what is their secret? No one knows! We begin the week with the White House embroiled in scandal. Which scandal? All of them! There's SignalGate, the main culprit of which has been finally determined to be JD Vance, or the news media, or an unspecified Democrat yet to be announced. JD Vance is also guilty of blowing the art of the deal in Greenland. Like Canada, Greenland has a lot to offer in both material and strategic benefits. Just think of the partnerships, alliances, and investments Trump could have potentially made if his first negotiation tactic was ever something other than a pussygrab? Countries who turned away their pussygrabs get tariffs this Wednesday, or at least more threats of more tariffs. Nothing makes Trump angrier than someone stealing his pickup technique. Don't knock it, the Trump pussygrab has been a success with most of the media, several law firms, and an undisclosed number of SCOTUS. Following many, yet not enough, injunctions from lower-court judges, the Supreme Court has six pending emergency applications from Trump demanding to know "So like…What are we?" Gops warned Victoria Spartz not to have town halls, but she didn't listen, and conducted a town hall in which she wouldn't listen. For Victoria, if you have to ask for due process, you must not deserve it. Think those masked guys heading your way wouldn't put a bag over your head? Surprise! Democrats will fix this all soon… we just need to get a little bit closer to their mid-term election fundraising drives, ok, please? In contrast, Donald K. Trump is already getting set for his 2028 election, and beyond. Wait a second, doesn't the Constitution prohibit that sort of thing? Where we're going, we don't need Constitutions. France on the other hand, takes these things seriously, but their guillotine must have been on the fritz because Marine Le Pen only received 5 years off from seeking office.

History was made this weekend, and David Waldman WAS THERE! He might have also been at the third No Kings protest... hard to tell as there were a lot of people at them. Greg Dworkin monitored those, and many other situations over the weekend. Trump's Iran War is going well, for the doomsday bunker industry, missile R&D facilities, military aircraft body shops, and boot manufacturers. Most everyone else, however, not so much. Donald K. Trump promises to strongly win the war again and change the regimes several more times until Iran finally agrees to lose the war. Iran is set to release more reality TV episodes of its popular Kash Patel Show. Vlad Putin doesn't mind Trump in Iran but had Donald step aside in Cuba. Eh, Trump didn't really mean all that Cuba regime change nonsense anyhow. He'd rather negotiate Sharpie prices to $5 with big strong men with tears in their eyes. Those pens will come in handy when the new dollar bills come out. Sure, the White House Ballroom is an ill thought out, poorly designed disaster, Trump is in charge of it. The important part is the super-secret facility beneath the $400 million facade of a ballroom. How predictive are special elections? What if we take into consideration Democrats' generic ballot underperformance, and the GOP's midterm convention? What if we take into consideration this reality? The Russian accused of being the mastermind behind the Magnitsky Case (a mind-bogging, multi-million-dollar tax-and-fraud case that led to the death of Sergei Magnitsky in a Moscow prison, and a sweeping US sanction law) will be on trial in Paris this week (in absentia). The DHS shutdown has been a month and a half, so now Trump has decided that it's an emergency and will pay TSA workers. That, like absolutely everything Trump does, is illegal only if anyone cares to make it so. How many ICE detainees died recently? I don't know, I don't follow sports.

Feeling Thor today? David Waldman and Greg Dworkin apply the balm of their KITM wit and wisdom. Every morning, Donald K. Trump is shown a two-minute video of Iranian things blowing up, which could explain why Trump believes that the US has totally won, or that Iran is totally obliterated each day… or he could just be pulling it out his ass. Is Trump an idiot? Crazy? Full of crap? Gops sane-wash Trump by saying whatever Trump says is true because he says it. Dems insane-wash Trump by feeling there must be some kernel of truth buried in all that gibberish. Why can't we just place Trump on a curve with "deranged" on one end and "lying" on the other and simply skip the third axis? Have you ever heard the story of the paper clip? Well, actually, the paper clip was invented 134 years ago, not 182 as Trump… Now I'm doing it! To be on the safe side, Mike Johnson arranged for Trump to be given periodic trophies. Pete Hicseth is a true believer, unfortunately for him, his boss never was. It looks like DC will need to Uber their Easter Bunny in this year as the Department of Homeland Security shutdown talks go nowhere. Sending ICE to airports isn't working for anything other than to provide their mugshots for databases, too bad the 82nd Airborne is busy. The Republican collapse has begun — and Trump is leading it. Trump's disapproval numbers are high, like no one has seen before. His approval numbers on the other hand are dying, like a dog. Among white non-college men, Trump is not so high value anymore. Here comes another election, in Maine, and it's looking good for the oyster farmer. Republicans take Democrats violating ethic rules almost as bad as Democrats do. Republicans hate Democratic gerrymandering as almost as much as they hate their own… nah, they don't mind theirs at all.