Kagro in the Morning

Happy Thanksgiving! One of the things I'm thankful for is that usually Scott Anderson takes care of our daily summary. "Well, too bad!" It's Thanksgiving, and if I made Scott do the summary today, I'd be a Republican, and you wouldn't want to listen to the show. Still, I'm pretty busy, myself, what with hosting duties and whatnot. So, uh… here's what I did on the show today: OK, so, first, there was that shooting in DC. Had to do that, even though the "facts" are just a mess at this point. Then, in case you forgot during all the Thanksgiving preparations, Jeffrey Epstein is super disgusting. But he may also be, like, Russian intelligence disgusting. Lastly, if you've ever wondered how such disgusting people get away with such disgusting things, it's usually because they spend a disgusting about of money maintaining a disgusting amount of ultra-luxurious privacy.

David Waldman, mentally tough host of KITM, and his edgy sidekick Greg Dworkin return to the big pod screen for what could be their final adventure this week! Gops are stunned to see their most cozy rat jump ship. You don't have to hand it to Marge. She knew exactly what she was getting into, and exactly what she's getting out of. Who didn't? That is why it's always a good time to talk about Jeffrey Epstein. Epstein, Epstein, Epstein. Can you believe that there is any Latino support for Donald K. Trump? Can you believe there is any support at all for Trump? Anybody but Trump is the person to be. Judge Boasberg will look into contempt charges on those ignoring orders to halt deportation flights. Emil Bove always has plenty of contempt to go around, but Kristi Noem will be the one cosplaying under the bus. How does Lindsey Halligan not do it? Ed Martin knows and is ready to dish on all the retribution plans with Alex Jones. Tina Peters is staying at the state pen, and she will be staying at the state pen. Trump wants her sprung and might still have something pictured. We don't know much about what the US does overseas, because the guy in charge, Vladimir Putin, tends to keep things close to his chest. Vlad's advisor, Steve Witkoff, leaked some guidance that he gave on how to play Trump, which turns out to not be too hard. Ha ha! Oh, well. That's Our Trump!™

David Waldman is here for a special Thanksgiving Tuesday KITM. How does Lindsey Halligan do it? Well, she doesn't, as Judge Cameron Currie has dismissed James Comey and Letitia James' prosecution/persecution because Halligan was unlawfully appointed… according to legal minds Samuel Alito and Aileen Cannon. Expect Aileen and Samuel to return. Nothing can stop our intrepid warriors of the Trump administration! Theirs not to reason why, Theirs but to do and die! Pete Hic-seth boldly leads the charge against Senator, astronaut, combat veteran Mark Kelly. Department of "War", Gulf of "America", "5 Things" emails. They're all in your head... which is what they want. Is Marco Rubio our last honest broker? Is the executive branch cutting out the legislative? Will ICES block voting entrances with stacks of zip tied brown people? Good news! Gobble and Waddle slipped Donald a few million in crypto coinage and are back in the barnyard.

It's Friday, today David Waldman is solo, therefore David has his mute button at hand in case he clears his throat, drinks some tea, or SEAL Team 6 comes through the skylight. WAR! KITM Military Nomenclature Cognoscente Darwin Darko reviews some of the reasons why the military and its members should avoid leading with that word. You know, swastikas and nooses could be seen as provocative, also. What could they provoke? Who knows! What's the difference between "legal" and "illegal"? That one's up for debate, although a wrong answer will get you fired. Democrat Sheila Cherfilus-McCormick has been indicted on federal fraud charges. Who is Sheila Cherfilus-McCormick? Right... That's why Republicans are working so hard to pin something on Adam Schiff. What do Vice President Dick Cheney, Generalissimo Francisco Franco have in common?

David Waldman and Greg Dworkin count down the days before the Presidential Turkey Pardon. In the meantime, let's roast this pig. Everyone's most hated president Donald K. Trump has achieved new disapproval like no one has ever seen. Fox News says "Sir, no one is inferior to you, Sir. The Trump Era is over… maybe for the last time. All that's left is the shouting and the threats, including death threats, of course. Republicans are being swept into the undertow. Most Gops will have a tough time finding new jobs. Mike Johnson won't be getting a recommendation. Democrats are, well, the other choice, so they have that going for them. But they also have Chuck Schumer… The jobs report is pretty good for a few months ago. How does Lindsey Halligan do it? Well, it ends up that Lindsey didn't do half of what she needed to do in the James Comey political vengeance case, other than to make it clear that the only objective was political vengeance. Gop gerrymanders seem like a pretty bad idea in hindsight, and probably in foresight, had any Gops had any. Turning Point USA is a den of iniquity. House Gops cut Dan Crenshaw off. Not just alcohol, but from even hanging around them for a while. A Republican staffer for Jeff Van Drew who hired a professional to disfigure her, might be mentally ill, but she couldn't have done it on her own.

It's Wednesday, so David Waldman and Greg Dworkin are here to analyze Tuesday's landside vote! Big man, pig man. Ha-ha, charade he is. It's just not going Donald K. Trump's way lately. Forget "winning", few people even pity the guy anymore. Yesterday Gops not only hung Donald out to dry, they liked it, and plan to make it a habit. They stepped right over Mike Johnson to do it, too. Discharge petitions go from unthinkable to de rigueur. If Gops won't censure Dem Stacey Plaskett for profiting off of Jeffrey Epstein, so Dems won't censure Republican Cory Mills, so there! You don't want Nancy Mace and Lauren Boebert yelling at you. Democrats have the biggest advantage for control of Congress in 8 years. Don't tell Dems… but it seems like a substantial lead. Redistricting has been blocked by judges in Texas and self-denied in Indiana. America's Favorite Governor is happy with his, thank you. Tariff checks are like passing out candy bars on the deck of the Titanic, stupid, unhelpful, but whatever. A pardoned Capitol rioter promised to put a child sex victim in his will for the remainder of his reparation money.

Today, David Waldman sails the Crazy Sea solo. The United Nations puts Donald K. Trump in charge of bringing peace to Gaza, signifying that the world has completely run out of ideas or hope for Palestine. But what about the Epstein files, you ask? Well don't you worry, because the Gop House is on it, with a vote that they've been promoting for months. As you might remember from Schoolhouse Rock, the bill then goes to the DOJ for beheading. If Jeffrey Epstein ever starts to fade from attention, the White House has more waiting in the wings to promote, such as Andrew Tate, who not only rapes girls and traffics them, but Tate also generally hates all women. Nazi-stan Paul Ingrassia can't seem to hold a job in the White House, but his Mom and Donald still love him.

David Waldman and Greg Dworkin didn't just fall off the turnip truck, have been around the block and happen to be the sharpest knives in the drawer on today's KITM. Folding like a card table, America's greatest power bottom, Donald K. Trump ordered Republicans to demand that the Democrats finally release the Epstein files. Now, Republicans are set to decisively reveal the whole truth about… what is "barely" legal, anyhow? Lamest of ducks, Trump wasn't all that to begin with, and is decaying beyond the hope of bronzers, Latinos, or even bros. Living hand to mouth doesn't leave much for heat and electricity as inflation is becoming everyone's biggest concern, and affordability is this administration's least. Drop a penny in Marjorie Traitor Greene's slot and she sings a different tune, but really, it's all the same song and dance. That is, until she drops a dime on daddy. The gun is on the table with Venezuela, as we ready to drink their milkshake. Emil Bove explains that we are at actually at war with boats. People and cargo are only collateral damage. Coming apart at the seams, the bottom is falling out of the DOJ as some see the light.

David Waldman drops us off on Friday, usually the calm center of Trump's chaos typhoon... It's Trump's "grand conspiracy", all right, although it depends on how you define "grand". Nevada's top court revives the state's fake electors case, anyone looking into anything Bill "Slimebag" Pulte does are sacked, while Eric Swalwell gets Pulte-ed and FBI Mis-Informant Alexander Smirnov slips out the back door. Ghislaine Maxwell gets the Perv-a-Lago 6 Star Diamond Deluxe Grande treatment, plus a puppy. Donald K. Trump vows to prosecute and imprison every single person connected to Jeffrey Epstein... give or take. MAGA accepts only two genders, yet sees pedophilia as an infinite spectrum, with Jeffrey and Matt Gaetz way over on the nicest possible end. AI-Generated ICE porn might actually be the worst porn one could make with Sora. Kai Trump proves that she's every bit the golfer grandpa is at the LPGA Tour's Annika tournament. She just doesn't have his caddy, though. Kristi Noem stars in an ad campaign with an "Avengers" budget… Or... is she just playing hide the salami with taxpayer money?

David Waldman brings us another two hours of KITM, while Greg Dworkin puts down his Xbox controller for an hour to join in the latest news and badinage. But his emails! The House Oversight Committee gave us a small nasty taste of what's to come in the Epstein files. Republicans retaliated with 23,000 pages of proof that Jeffrey Epstein and his oh-so-close frenemy Donald K. Trump weren't only about the little girls. Sometimes they were about Ghislaine Maxwell, Trump, and little girls, and sometimes they were about Russia, Trump, and little girls. The thing about Jeffrey Epstein is that he never had a shortage of strange bedfellows to pillow talk with. Meanwhile… Matt Gaetz! Adelita Grijalva has finally been sworn in and became the 218th signature of Trump's very painful discharge petition. Who wouldn't vote for this bill? Wow, this news almost pushed Dem's shame of shutdown caving off the front page! Hey, Democrats didn't perform "horribly", some say they didn't completely "fail", in fact… they "won", that's it! In fact, Trump wasn't really "winning". People hate, hate, hate Trump… and they disapprove of him as well. Republicans love him less than they used to. In fact, Jeff might be the more popular one across the board. Illinois Gov. JB Pritzker worries what Trump might do to distract from the Epstein files and will be discussing it over the Thanksgiving table with family members. Kash Patel keeps hoping to score frequent flier points with his girlfriend.

David Waldman and Greg Dworkin are convening in working session today for the first time since Monday to address the national backlog of news and punditry. It's day two of the shutdown… cave by the Democrats. Dems knew when to hold'em, say they knew when to fold'em, according to government gamblers John Fetterman and Chuck Schumer. But what if the Democrats' big shutdown loss turns out to be a win? Well, it already has… for Republicans, who can pick up half a million dollars for subverting the government on Jan 6, and destroying it this year. Of course, the reason for the shutdown has not been addressed. Has this completely ruined the Democratic party chances in '26? No, not yet, but there's still time. Rising Republican star Glenn Youngkin has Santorumed out and won't be able to wrest Andrew Cuomo from upcoming Fox pundit slots. Sure, we kill people that we don't like the looks of. Hell, we slaughter hundreds of thousands. All of a sudden, the United Kingdom has something against war crimes? Jeffrey Epstein knew all about Donald K. Trump. Everybody hates Donald Trump and is out to get him, according to criminal charges soon to be filed by the next Trump sacrificial attorney Jason Reding Quiñones. Obviously, such an overtly political hitjob would never be accepted in court by any judge who… AILEEN CANNON?!?

David Waldman has some explaining to do, and just the venue to do it. Dems spent a half week too close to the sun before finding a nice familiar cave to retreat to, back safe in the protective arms of the Gop, who have promised to quit beating them, this time. Democrats had to give in, for the sake of the children. Well rested, the Capitol kicked into high gear, running like the finely tuned machine that we've come to expect. Meanwhile, Justice Ketanji Brown Jackson performed an excellent example of jurisprudential Jiu Jitsu by administrative stay to save SNAP from slow rolling. Laura Loomer follows the voices in her head (Who sound just like Donald K. Trump) to smite Trump enemies, who never seem to include pedophiles, coal rollers, etc. Is Trump's cruelty or stupidity worse? Today's vote is for stupidity, for promoting mortgages that would take generations to pay off. Hey, at least Trump's was bigger than FDR's! RIP today to Sally Kirkland, memorable in an almost unimaginably varied artistic career.

Acting! The Kagro in the Morning Players, Messrs. David Waldman and Greg Dworkin, debut the first of their one-act plays: "It's Not So Bad, When You Look at It". Did Dems underreach? Will Gops overreach? Well, that is what they do. Today is for replays and takeaways. It's not over yet, and there's plenty more to come. Now, will Donald K. Trump's next move be cruel, or stupid? Of course, it will be both. Trump can't bribe himself into popularity… not in this economy. ICE'S not yet being welcomed as liberators. Russia hunts civilians with drones, while Pete Hegseth says, "Hold my beer." Trump is being forced to share his food with others, and you can imagine how that makes him feel. The goal is to herd most Americans into ghettos, and the rest into fortresses, perhaps not the future most desire. Kash Patel keeps leaving spies out in the cold. Who needs intelligence when you have loyalty? That sure works for Alexander Smirnov, who was disappeared, but in a good way. Rudy Giuliani and his gang of fake electors got fake pardons they can pin to the walls of their state cells. SCOTUS declined to revisit their same-sex marriage decision filed by OG Karen, Kentucky county clerk Kim Davis, because really, no one wants to give her any more time.

David Waldman brings us the end of a fairly cheerful week. Don't worry, they'll make the weekend suck. Sean Dunn flung a hoagie, and Sean done got off misdemeanor and felony charges, too. Remember that when troops come to your neighborhood... lunch is on them! Still working out the details on the Trump White House renovation, Trump functionaries correctly spelled "The Oval Office" and pasted it on the outside of the Mar-a-Lago North's cabana room. In that "Oval Office", as Dr. Mehmet Oz described his plan to make lots of Trump babies in time for the midterms, Donald K. Trump hoped to catch a little shut eye but was rudely awakened by one of those White House fainters. Trump was forced to then finish his nap standing up. Donald hates seeing anyone sick or injured, unless it's on a surveillance camera. That's just how the Navy prefers to disembowel fishermen, popping a few more of them out in the Caribbean. Turning fishers into fish food cuts down on embarrassing court visits, and hearing judges grouse on about their shocks to the conscience. A Federal judge is throwing restrictions on Operation Midway Blitz officers just trying to have a little fun. SCOTUS is allowing the administration to continue busting the balls of those that they believe should be displaying theirs but might really harsh their vibe on starving the destitute. They can take Trump's tariffs when they pry them from his cold, dead, hands. Trump pardons corrupt Tennessee Republican politicians, because they are corrupt Tennessee politicians, duh! Zohran Mamdani has been NYC mayor for… so long now and has already done way too little and/or way too much. Even George Santos is leaving. (He's lying.) The best that can be said is this. The worst is this.

David Waldman returns today, because there wasn't enough yesterday! Greg Dworkin returned also, but discovered that there wasn't enough today either, so he stuck around for most of the show! There is so much delicious data to share, most of which pollsters wished that they had a couple of days ago or at least had the foresight to analyze correctly. In hindsight, however, we can see that a bunch of Democrats voted, and not a lot of QAnon MAGAs had their panties bunched this go-round. Instead of conspiracies, voters were motivated by reality. Fewer jobs and bigger bills are being felt everywhere, especially with the MAGA who have noticed that America is not so great again. Not just the economy either. Every statewide office contested went blue. The whole nation has re-woke-ened. From sea to shining sea, assholes are looking for new jobs this week. Running for Democratic office is becoming so fun, everybody's doing it! Every little Podunk and Spotsylvania goes Dem as voters get out and vote. The fate of the free world rests in Zohran Mamdani's hands. That is according to everyone to the right of him, Democrat or Republican, and to the left of him and above and below him, who will now need to move their backbiting-sweet talking over to the Hizzoner's office lobby. Donald K. Trump is going full dotard because of all this. That seems like a fun thing, but it could be a bad thing. Meh, it couldn't get worse… could it? Perhaps someone should give him an award today. Nancy Pelosi is retiring from making history in Washington DC, might make a little more on the other coast.

David Waldman, Greg Dworkin, and Dems are back, baby. Now, if you are tuning in to KITM today, you are probably wanting to know when, what, where, how, and why. When? Yesterday, and over the last 9 months or so, voters have determined that they need to fix things, and universally that Democrats were the ones to do that. What? Dems won in red and blue areas, in big and little races. Where? New Hampshire, New Jersey, Bucks County, Wake Forest, Edison… everywhere. In Cincinnati, JD Vance's brother is a loser. You might have heard about places like California, and New York City, where the Mamdanimentum has become a Mamdanimandate. You got to love Virginia, where even the reddest counties turned blue, including, of course, home of Kagro in the Morning World Headquarters, Loudoun County. Democrats could gerrymander blue states bluer, but so could Republicans. How? The Hispanic vote, obviously, makes a lot more sense in a party that isn't cracking their skulls daily. A party whose motto is "Resistance is just asking for it." shouldn't expect much support from women. Antisemitic comedy is antisemitic. Why? Trump. The rest of them suck too, of course. If the new Dems do a good job, the contrast will be harsher come midterms. Gops aren't the only ones smelling the onions and mustard this morning. Border Patrol agent Gregory Lairmore still has BMT PTSD. Greg Bovino says he may never recover from that punch to his blutbewußtsein, but the judge says he'll just have to soldier on. Trump still can't attack Portland, but Indianapolis wants some. Hey, guess which Dick is still dead? Cheney! Dick Cheney did horrible things when he was alive but was never the kind to allow a cardiac arrest to obstruct his skullduggery.

David Waldman brings us a Throwback Tuesday KITM in which we explore the things that we did not throw back hard enough. There was a time when bigotry, dishonesty, inhumanity, and megalomaniacal cruelty had a craft to it. There was a sense of pride and effort in underhanded Machiavellian scheming that you just can't find anymore. We'll probably never see a Dick like Cheney again. Donald K. Trump destroys thousands of lives, the graft just rolls in, while he hardly lifts a finger. Trump wants to abolish the filibuster because he could then avoid the effort of circumventing it. Remember when David recommended filibuster reform? Back then we were all into affordable health care concerns, gun deaths and such. Simpler times. Turns out that all the lead poisoning didn't keep them from voting Trump in, let's hope the concussive blast waves help in the midterms. Let's revisit those years between Trump terms during which the SOB did not go to jail. If it was anybody else, he'd be there today. We are all left to scratch our heads, connecting the dots, following the money, wondering how it all went wrong.

David Waldman, drinking his throat tea by the quart, doesn't hold back on today's KITM: Greg Dworkin prepares us today for his Wednesday post-vote analysis. Virginia is for lovers, not haters, yet Gops kinda love to hate. Antisemitic hate is loved by the Gop, not by those that the Gop hates. SNL understood the NYC mayoral debate as if they were locals. Ha ha! Oh, well. That's Our Trump!™ Donald K. Trump took a break from his achieving that perfect balance between Tsar Nicholas II and Tony Montana on his new fancy crapper, then flew down to Perv-a-Lago for a Great Gatsby/Cabaret/Marie Antoinette Night O' Sleaze. Then it was time for Donald to watch his conquering return to 60 Minutes in order to make sure that the editors took good care of him. 73 minutes cut down to 27 left a more highly polished turd, still filled with the usual Trump golden kernels of impeachable confessions and casual idiocy, always with the promise of more and worse to come. Generally, brown people, especially those sitting on oil, better watch out. Trump sees your 25th Amendment and reveals that his whole operation revolves around his cluelessness. Autopen is his alibi! Let them execute the rest for war crimes, Trump is just too plain stupid to hang. Anyhow, all those Venezuelans aren't being killed by missiles, they're being killed by loopholes.

David Waldman wishes everyone a faboolous Halloween and reminds us to never ghost the boollot box! Ah roooooo! Trump's architects of chaos are moving into some really gated communities, as 20,000 troops are being sent out to states that might require blitzing or krieging in the near future. The DHS is releasing videos of our continued triumphs and the constant threat of Eastasian/Eurasian Antifa. Oops! ICES accidently deported Trump's house illegal, and one of Donald's favorites too! Most are horrified by Trump's destruction of the East Wing, at least those with brains. Of course, some do just fine without brains but it's just a pity. Donald K. Trump has ordered the "nuclear option" on the never-ending shutdown, either because someone told him it was "nuclear", or they called it his "trump card". Dems aren't invited to briefings on fishermen massacres, which might benefit them in future war crime trials. Today, David methodically peels the corruption onion of Trump's $550 billion Japan deal. You'll be crying by the end!