The Luke and Pete Show

In a development that will surprise absolutely no-one, Pete went into The City for a night out and was propositioned by a sex worker. Unfortunately for all concerned, his small talk made the situation considerably worse. And there’s more bad news - the bin situation in Leigh-on-Sea is out of control! And, what’s more, council are taunting local residents about it! Elsewhere there’s good news for short kings everywhere because the lads find time to appoint a new official leg lengthener of LAPS. Form an orderly queue to be 6ft tall, everyone! You can also get involved by emailing us: hello@lukeandpeteshow.com! You can also get in touch on X, Threads or Instagram if character-restricted messaging takes your fancy. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Bad news everyone: Peter has been sealing his car and now he absolutely stinks. No matter what he tries, he can't get the stink off. Luke tries to take his mind off of it by telling him the story about how the Israelis captured Adolf Eichmann. Does it work? Not really. Elsewhere, the lads ruminate on the logistics of having an entirely different and secret extra family, before introducing their newest addition to the Luke and Pete Show community, Battery Robot! Who is he (presumably it's a he)? What is he like? And what does he have for his dinner? Tune in to find out... You can also get involved by emailing us: hello@lukeandpeteshow.com! You can also get in touch on X, Threads or Instagram if character-restricted messaging takes your fancy. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Today we hear all about Luke's experience of the 2025 Great South Run. 10 miles of sheer hell in biblically bad conditions, he nonetheless just about survived to tell the tale. Pete is baffled as to why anyone would even try to run that far anyway, obviously. Elsewhere, a listener discovers a neighbour with a Remembrance Day-theme doorbell, of all things, and our eponymous hosts also ruminate on why no-one seems to care about Covid anymore. You can also get involved by emailing us: hello@lukeandpeteshow.com! You can also get in touch on X, Threads or Instagram if character-restricted messaging takes your fancy. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Did you ever play manhunt as a kid? And did it ever end up with you almost dying on some mudflats? Those are just two of the questions Luke and Pete tackle on today's episode, alongside Pete's experiences of Christian camp, why certain types of Christian music is actually pretty good (eg The Congos) and the lads' ability to pass a GCSE these days (English? Maybe. Maths? Hell no.) There's also three more attempts to enter a new cell into the Battery Daddy! Don't miss it! You can also get involved by emailing us: hello@lukeandpeteshow.com! You can also get in touch on X, Threads or Instagram if character-restricted messaging takes your fancy. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The lesson to take from today's episode is that algorithms will be the death of us all. And what's more, no-one even seems to care. Luke and Pete discuss that, as well as the radicalisation of people they have worked with that used to be normal, before getting stuck into an amazing email about a prank that wasn't actually a prank. You can also get involved by emailing us: hello@lukeandpeteshow.com! You can also get in touch on X, Threads or Instagram if character-restricted messaging takes your fancy. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Pete visits a notable lungman about his wreck of a body. Will he get the answers he so desperately needs? Will he get a new inhaler? And, more importantly, will the doctor peg him? Despite all of his various ailments, Donny has also found the time to go out on the piss with our mate Vish, and he thinks getting a few beers inside him has probably helped to make him feel better as well. One thing that hasn't made him feel better though is the fact that his daughter is calling every other man apart from him Daddy. Oh dear. You can also get involved by emailing us: hello@lukeandpeteshow.com! You can also get in touch on X, Threads or Instagram if character-restricted messaging takes your fancy. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello all! The game is afoot on this episode as the lads don their deerstalkers and whip out the magnifying glasses to investigate a blurry picture of Pete and Stephen Merchant at a wedding. Yep, you read that right. Not for the reason you think, they were actually more focused on reflecting the magnifying glasses onto Pete's shiny dome. Also on the agenda today, Luke's attempt to outdrive Storm Amy, why Northern villages (apparently) used to holiday en masse, how we come to know Bansky's identity and our properly honest, from the heart, feelings about AI. You won't want to miss this, subscribe now! You can also get involved by emailing us: hello@lukeandpeteshow.com! You can also get in touch on X, Threads or Instagram if character-restricted messaging takes your fancy. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The lads start today's show by talking about AI girlfriends before having a good old chinwag about large language models (lady, lady, m'lady). After that, attention turns to where all the Billy Liars have gone - they used to be stalwarts in the local pub but have they vanished onto whatsapp groups instead? There's also time for battery submissions, the nature of memory, and a bit of World War II chat into the bargain. Don't miss it! Subscribe now! Email us: hello@lukeandpeteshow.com! You can also get in touch on X, Threads or Instagram if character-restricted messaging takes your fancy. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Behold! Because the lads are back with the usual nonsense, including but not limited to, Old El Paso, Uncle Ben's rice, writing the quiz questions for a DVD extra of Little Britain (speaking of which, how have those lads not been cancelled? And while we're on the subject, when are *we* going to be cancelled?), the video game Darkseed and, if that isn't enough, what's it like trying to do exercise at altitude in Peru? To contribute to this entirely foul jamboree, get in touch: hello@lukeandpeteshow.com. You can also get in touch on X, Threads or Instagram if character-restricted messaging takes your fancy. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Pete's been on the small talk again, he can't get enough of it these days. This time it was a man that decided to walk with him to the train station after commenting on his car. Did Pete decide to be friends with him, or did he make an excuse about needing a paper ticket and walking off? You'll have to listen in to find out. There's also chat about Robocop, Pete's retirement plan, and of course your battery submissions. Get involved, Trev! Email us: hello@lukeandpeteshow.com! You can also get in touch on X, Threads or Instagram if character-restricted messaging takes your fancy. Please fill out Stak's listener survey! It'll help us learn more about the content you love so we can bring you even more - you'll also be entered into a competition to win one of five PlayStation 5's! Click here: https://bit.ly/staksurvey2025 Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The lads open proceedings by chatting about a picture of Pete's dad's quite strange-looking foot, which has been provided to us in x-ray format via whatsapp. When is a bunion not a bunion? Quickly, discussion progresses to the story on everyone's lips - the advent of Kerry Katona and Katie Price's live tour. Why did Kerry say that about Katie's son Harvey? Elsewhere, there's hijackings, emails about government procurement and we may have found someone who's actually worse than Pete at small talk. And he's been accused of quite a serious crime... Email us: hello@lukeandpeteshow.com! You can also get in touch on X, Threads or Instagram if character-restricted messaging takes your fancy. Please fill out Stak's listener survey! It'll help us learn more about the content you love so we can bring you even more - you'll also be entered into a competition to win one of five PlayStation 5's! Click here: https://bit.ly/staksurvey2025 Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello everyone and welcome back to an all-new episode of The Luke and Pete Show! This time around, the lads imagine what it would be like if Pete grew his ponytail out properly and started running a gas station in the Midwest. Would he get addicted to meth? Instantly. Speaking of petrol stations, they always sell the duo versions of popular chocolate bars and they also always sell McCoy's crisps. Why? Meanwhile, there's also time to dissect the absolute insanity that is The Donald's latest speech about paracetamol, as well as why Pete is always on the lookout for a DVD copy of K-Pax whenever he heads to Europe. Email us: hello@lukeandpeteshow.com! You can also get in touch on X, Threads or Instagram if character-restricted messaging takes your fancy. Please fill out Stak's listener survey! It'll help us learn more about the content you love so we can bring you even more - you'll also be entered into a competition to win one of five PlayStation 5's! Click here: https://bit.ly/staksurvey2025 Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Luke is stunned and offended by Pete's bombshell revelation that he can no longer make their planned evening out at the Towngate Theatre in Basildon to see Kerry Katona and Katie Price in conversation. An emotional plea to the Luke and Pete Show community to step into the breach as replacements is the only logical solution. Elsewhere, there's strong opinions on the idea of pasta for lunch, the worst foods for burps, and Pete makes a strong case for being the nation's first beef paste ambassador. It's all in a day's work. Email us: hello@lukeandpeteshow.com! You can also get in touch on X, Threads or Instagram if character-restricted messaging takes your fancy. Please fill out Stak's listener survey! It'll help us learn more about the content you love so we can bring you even more - you'll also be entered into a competition to win one of five PlayStation 5's! Click here: https://bit.ly/staksurvey2025 Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Welcome to your all-new episode of The Luke and Pete Show! Recording late because Pete forgot about it and decided to take his computer apart instead, the lads aren't deterred and get straight into picking the bones out of Alapacafest 2025, Essex's premium alpaca-themed festival, with tech support provided by Mr Donaldson Esq. Spoiler alert: no-one was electrocuted! There's always next year though... Elsewhere Luke gets depressed at internet men drinking Heineken in bed, the lads both admit to being intimidated by music shops, and Mike Tyson drops MrBeast with a body shot - finally a celebrity boxing event we can all get behind! Email us: hello@lukeandpeteshow.com! You can also get in touch on X, Threads or Instagram if character-restricted messaging takes your fancy. Please fill out Stak's listener survey! It'll help us learn more about the content you love so we can bring you even more - you'll also be entered into a competition to win one of five PlayStation 5's! Click here: https://bit.ly/staksurvey2025 Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

It's a pretty guitar-heavy episode today as the lads chat about musical performance-themed anxiety nightmares (Pete's a member of the Smashing Pumpkins in his), different guitar sounds they like, and Liam Gallagher's son's band. But don't worry non-guitar fans, there's plenty for you to enjoy too! Including cricket, Vinnie Jones trying and failing to get a catchphrase off the ground, Simon Cowell's mental face and a follow up email about the guy from Brewdog. Rejoice in the splendour of ridiculousness that is the Luke and Pete Show! Email us: hello@lukeandpeteshow.com! You can also get in touch on X, Threads or Instagram if character-restricted messaging takes your fancy. Please fill out Stak's listener survey! It'll help us learn more about the content you love so we can bring you even more - you'll also be entered into a competition to win one of five PlayStation 5's! Click here: https://bit.ly/staksurvey2025 Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Today's show opens with the bombshell revelation that Peter has enjoyed breakfast with the Oliver twins, creators of the Dizzy franchise! But what did they eat? Eggs, presumably. The lads also find time to revisit one of their favourite talking points - exactly when did it become necessary to drink so much water? Peter thinks it's a waste of time; he got all the hydration he needed from the amniotic fluid in his mother's womb. Speaking of water, there's a new sewer being dug right outside Luke's house, courtesy of the good people at Thames Water, and before they go there's just enough time to discuss the government's phone alert test and your battery submissions. Onward! Email us: hello@lukeandpeteshow.com! You can also get in touch on X, Threads or Instagram if character-restricted messaging takes your fancy. Please fill out Stak's listener survey! It'll help us learn more about the content you love so we can bring you even more - you'll also be entered into a competition to win one of five PlayStation 5's! Click here: https://bit.ly/staksurvey2025 Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

It's been a crazy few days in the world of Luke and Pete. Peter's had a recent break ruined by the wanton destruction of an animal, Luke's had his week ruined by an exploded snowglobe, and there's some surprising news afoot from the Official GP of The Luke and Pete Show. Elsewhere, the lads learn about the country's tallest ever policeman as well as take some more submissions for official jobs of the show, a section in which Luke does his best to denigrate yet more noble professions. Send all your complaints to hello@lukeandpeteshow.com! You can get in touch on X, Threads or Instagram if character-restricted messaging takes your fancy. Please fill out Stak's listener survey! It'll help us learn more about the content you love so we can bring you even more - you'll also be entered into a competition to win one of five PlayStation 5's! Click here: https://bit.ly/staksurvey2025 Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

What does male self care mean to you? Remember, there are no right or wrong answers to this question; to Luke it means going to a football match alone. To Peter it's a dog walk and a wank. Do whatever works for you. Today on The Luke and Pete Show, Peter is dropping extortionate amounts of money in the NCP, Luke is drinking shandies and doesn't care who judges him (he definitely does), and we explore further why a man has bought the Commodore brand. Oh, and we may have to prise open the Battery Daddy again... Email us at hello@lukeandpeteshow.com or you can get in touch on X, Threads or Instagram if character-restricted messaging takes your fancy. Please fill out Stak's listener survey! It'll help us learn more about the content you love so we can bring you even more - you'll also be entered into a competition to win one of five PlayStation 5's! Click here: https://bit.ly/staksurvey2025 Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Pete tries to do a nice thing for his niece and ends up tearing around central London on a doomed quest to find a Labubu. The labubu he eventually landed turned out to be fake and probably filled with soiled bandages. Oh well. The lads also take the time to discuss fake merchandise, mundane celebrity encounters and why a bakery that doesn't serve any food is quite probably destined to fail. Never trust a trendy baker, that's their advice. Email us at hello@lukeandpeteshow.com or you can get in touch on X, Threads or Instagram if character-restricted messaging takes your fancy. Please fill out Stak's listener survey! It'll help us learn more about the content you love so we can bring you even more - you'll also be entered into a competition to win one of five PlayStation 5's! Click here: https://bit.ly/staksurvey2025 Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

After copping a tremendous amount of deserved flak from general practitioners everywhere for his ill-advised comments, Luke is considering shaving off his moustache and keeping a low profile by becoming a butcher's boy. Pete thinks it's a bad idea - too many euphemisms with middle aged women to deal with. On today's produce-themed episode we also hear about the godfather of British cheese as well as find out why you shouldn't entertain the idea of getting milkmen back. Got milk? Email us at hello@lukeandpeteshow.com or you can get in touch on X, Threads or Instagram if character-restricted messaging takes your fancy. Please fill out Stak's listener survey! It'll help us learn more about the content you love so we can bring you even more - you'll also be entered into a competition to win one of five PlayStation 5's! Click here: https://bit.ly/staksurvey2025 Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.